I got out alive and you can too

Today I scroll through the app and I kept seeing post after post after post regarding all these women being in these horribly emotionally abusive relationships and it broke my heart. For some reason I feel this has increased due to people being stuck in a living space with their partners with the pandemic. I very recently got out of my narcissists hold.. and let me tell you how hard it was to leave. But also how quickly I am being relieved of the hold they had on me. It DOES get better. The longer you stay, the more damage you will have to clean up later. HOWEVER, I understand why many of these women and girls feel they cannot leave especially if they could be in harms way if they do. I’m going to link a couple resources for you guys to watch. It opened up my eyes and was the very reason I was able to get out before I was potentially assaulted regularly and/or dead. 

The links that saved my life;

I repeat. Narcissistic, abusive, controlling partners know what they are doing and they will not stop.

Did you know it is 10x harder to get away from your abuser than it is to get off of HEROINE?

Did you know that narcissists are not born narcassitic? There is literal research that shows that the part of a persons brain that develops “empathy” is not developed during the first 5 developmental years of life due to lack of love, affection, empathy from the mother/parental figure. If this is never developed they live their life mimicking empathy. They do not truly possess it. This answers the “why” to:

Why can they cheat on me over and over and over again?

Why do they DEGRADE me with no remorse?

Why do they physically abuse me?

Why do they constantly ignore me?

Why do the constantly manipulate me?

Why do they gaslight me?

They do not feel bad. The only real thing I think they feel is pleasure. Gratification. Whatever benefits them, they will do. If abusing you causes them gratification then they will continue to feed their narcasstic supply. No matter what. No matter WHO. That is also why they cheat. They NEED supply. Supply is really just attention, doesn’t matter if it’s good or bad. Anything feeds their ego. And also why they cheat is to ensure they never run out of supply. Most, if not all, also suffer from abandonment issues. Their GREATEST fear is abandonment. Many times that is why they trap you, however that might be. For me, they tried to get me pregnant. But I was not the only one. These people have wounds deeper than any human being is equity to deal with. With that being said..

Learn about your abuser. How he thinks. How he doesn’t truly feel. What his true motives are.

I want you to feel supported. Because feeling isolated while dealing with such a situation can make it feel even more impossible to get out of. Trust me, I understand. This app has given me strength on even the toughest days. But it is our responsibility to take ownership for our own healing. Many of us enter these relationships already broken. That is why these narcissists are so attractive to us. Many lure us in by painting their life with you or find you at your most broken and “love” you there and once they have us it feels IMPOSSIBLE to leave. Many of us do not want to leave we want to make it work even though quiet clearly it is not, many of us do but feel we cannot because of children involved or financial dependence. Either way, they have manipulated you. And I promise you, you are usually not the only one they’ve done this to. It is a sickness.

The first step in getting out is doing your RESEARCH. Understand what and who you’re dealing with. The rest you must muster all the strength you have and leave. Go no contact, if applicable. Change your locks. Get restraining orders. Put their violence on record so there is justice for their actions. There is strength in numbers, so ladies let us move forward. And get our lives back. If I can do it, with someone who tried to trap me, isolate me, assaulted me while pregnant, mentally abused me every day, lived a double life, cheated and hid it pretty well, all while I lived with and planned a life with them.. I promise you can too.