It’s *my* wedding?????????

I’ve been engaged for almost four months.

I am sick and tired of everyone telling me what I can and cannot do for my wedding.

“You have to have a small COVID safe wedding! You have to invite all friends and family members, if you don’t you will alienate them and hurt their feelings! If you pay any attention to COVID you’re a sheep! You cannot expect family members to come, because it’s too far for them and that’s selfish of you! You can’t expect parents to help out with any costs! But you also can’t want to pay it all yourself! You have to have it at the church, because that’s what your fiancé wants! You cannot serve alcohol at your wedding or you will go to hell! You cannot have a dry wedding or your guests will be annoyed! You can’t have a reception there, because that’s not COVID safe! You have to have a venue close by! If you don’t, no one will come and you’ll have waisted thousands of dollars! You have to have it further out, because all the guests will not fit in the options nearby! You have to have a heavy full course meal or guests won’t be satisfied! You have to purchase your wedding gown, not rent, because it’s *your* day! You can’t spend a thousand on a dress because you’re not materialistic!” You must meet all these demands, but if you spend any more than a hundred dollars your parents will mock and shame you!

It’s *my* wedding???? What an absolute fucking joke. Nothing is what I want. What an absolute lie to think I could have a wedding of my dreams. A small wedding. In a beautiful place. In a rented dress because I would rather spend money on a honeymoon. How dare anyone remind me that it’s *my* day, when I am not allowed do anything of my own volition. What an absolutely joke to think I could plan anything without someone throwing a tantrum and complaining that I am a burden, that I am a disappointment, that I am inconsiderate, that I am improper, that I deserve any chance of happiness for myself. How silly of me to think I deserved any sliver of happiness. How silly of me to think I am anything more than a burden to those around me.

It doesn’t matter anymore.

I am 100% done.

I want to be with my fiancé. I want to live how we choose. If that means never being married, or never having a wedding, I will still be a thousand times happier than I would ever be by remaining in the presence and controlling influence of toxic family members.