Nicu mother.

Saturday February 5th.

I was relaxing at home nothing seemed wrong. Decided to wash clothes. I bent over to pick up a pair of pants and I felt a gush. I though fuck. I peed myself. I went to the bathroom and that’s when I found out I had started bleeding. There was no pain. But blood. I freaked out and called my husband to drive me to the hospital closest to us that delivered babies. I didn’t know what was wrong or what was happening. I was scared I was gonna have my son that day at 30 weeks 1 day. When we got there everything was slow going. They really didn’t seem to care. They admitted me for the night. And when the on call doctor come in to talk to me while they were giving me a ultrasound she was very noticeably unhappy to be there and unconcerned. She literally asked me why I came there instead of going to the hospital I was scheduled to birth at. I explained that this hospital was closer and I was scared I was going into preterm labor or something was wrong with my son. And she just looked at me annoyed and said we can’t care for a 30 week preemie and I should just have went to the other hospital an hour away. They discharged me Sunday morning while I was still bleeding. I went home and relaxed and done literally nothing all day Sunday and Monday. But Monday night around 11 pm my chest started to hurt. Well I tried to lay down and go to bed but it just started to hurt more. I took my blood pressure and it was in the 190s. I was scared and took two baby aspirin and woke my husband up. Sat with him for 30 min to wait for the pills to kick in and rechecked my blood pressure. It was 197/111.

I started to have a panic attack. I called the hospital I was supposed to deliver at to see if I needed to drive there or go to my own town hospital (who doesn’t deliver babies) they sent me to my town hospital to get my blood pressure under control. They could monitor me through the monitors at my town hospital because they are both owned by the same company. After being there for 6 hours they put me in an ambulance and took me to the hospital I delivered at. They admitted me and Hooked me up to magnesium for 24 hours. Kept a close eye on my blood pressure and diagnosed me with preeclampsia. I was so scared but the nurses at that hospital were amazing

and kept me well informed about my care and what all steps they were taking to keep me healthy to keep my son in my longer. They wanted to make it to 34 weeks before induction. But I developed help syndrome. Which kinda means my liver was failing. So Thursday February 17th the doctor told me I needed to start induction that day because I was steadily getting sicker even though I felt fine. I was started on these pills that were inserted into my vagina to start induction and then they inserted the ballon thing to help me dilate February 18th that morning they checked to see if they could just pull it out and couldn’t but I asked to go pee and when I went to do that I couldn’t pee. So I pushed a little to try to get it out cause my bladder felt like it was gonna explode and the balloon fell out and I peed. I looked down and there was blood. Not much but some. They said that was normal. Then they checked me to see how dilated I was and that hurt. A lot. She said I was around 6cm. (I personally think she accidentally broke my water) when I sat up I felt a gush and told them that something was wrong cause I had just peed and it felt like something warm come out of me and they laid me back again and checked me again and she said my water had broke. They inserted this wire or tube thing to watch my contractions from the inside and that was weird. They then I asked for the epidural to be inserted but no medication yet. Well then I went to pee again and I had to push to pee again and felt something fall out of me. I thought it was the thing they inserted to check my contractions and I apologized and told them it had fallen out. But when I stood up and looked down it wasn’t what was checking my contractions it was blood clots. A lot. They nurses got me back to bed and started the medication in my epidural tube and everything seemed fine. (Idk if it was the pain meds but I was oblivious to the amount of nurses that were showing up) before I knew it there were like 10-15 nurses in my room looking at all my monitors talking to each other and calling more people. Then all of a sudden a doctor was talking to me and told me my sons heart rate was dropping and we needed to do an emergency c section. I instantly started crying and panicking. They started to dress my husband in scrub type stuff. And they rushed me to the operating room. I was crying apologizing to my husband. I was so scared my son was in danger because I couldn’t handle the contractions and needed the epidural. The nurses tried to console me saying that wasn’t what was wrong. That if I hadn’t gotten it I would have been put to sleep and my husband wouldn’t be in the room with me. The doctor had him out in less than 5 minutes. The nurses told me not to worry if he doesn’t cry because he is so young and that he may not be able too. I didn’t even get to see him after they took him out. They rushed him out of the room. But as they walked out the door with him he started to cry and I could here him and I was so happy. My baby could cry. He was alive. The doctor was starting to finish my c section and was pulling out my placenta and told me that it was disintegrating. Completely falling apart. That it was the reason my sons heart rate was dropping. They got it all cleared out and started to close me. He was almost completely done closing me and asked me if I had wanted to has my tubes tied but he would have to re open me. I told him no. I wasn’t gonna have him take longer so I could be away from my son longer. I started to try to move ( while still in the operating table) I didn’t know I was paralyzed. I started to panic. My brain wasn’t used to the pain meds so I was a little loopy. I calmed down from that and they started to untie me from the bed cause I was gonna be moved to another bed to be taken back to my room to recuperate. I slid my arm under the blanket and touched my leg. But I didn’t know it was my leg cause I couldn’t feel it. I freaked out and started to apologize and the nurses asked why I was apologizing and I told her I thought I was molesting someone. I legit thought I had slid my hand into someone’s shirt and was rubbing them. They all laughed. I got taken back to my room and forced myself to move and get the meds to wear off as fast as I could so I could go see my son. They told me it should take about 6 to 8 hours for me to be able to move. I was up and walking with assistance to the bathroom in 4 hours. They let me go see my son and I cried when I seen him on all of the machine’s. But it didn’t last long. After his first day he was off of the cpap. After 4 days he was off of oxygen and breathing room air. After 2 weeks he didn’t need the incubator but they had to keep him in it until he was 34 weeks. He is now 35 weeks 5 days. I’m hoping he gets to come home soon. It was the most scary and traumatizing thing I have ever done. But it was also the most amazing thing I have ever done. I love him so much. But I will probably never have another child. My son needs me more than a sibling and once you have preeclampsia you have a one in three chance of having it again.