Back After Baby

Heading back to work after maternity leave is one of the most difficult transitions in the life of a new mom. After all, in addition to the stresses of a full-time job, there’s the added adjustment that comes with having to leave your little one with a caregiver. For advice on making the transition from home to work as smooth as possible, we spoke to experts Mary Quigley, NYU professor and co-author of “Going Back to Work: A Survival Guide for Comeback Moms”; Ellen Galinsky, founder of the Family and Work Institute and author of “Mind in the Making: The Seven Essential Life Skills Every Child Needs” and Laura Deutsch, founder of babybites, a social and educational community for moms in the city.

Feeling Guilty Is Normal

New mothers often feel like the only person who can take care of their child is them, which makes heading back to work a constant battle with their conscience. Experts maintain that the feeling is normal. “You’re going to have to realize that guilt is just standard operating procedure,” says Quigley.

“You have to understand that leaving is normal,” says Galinsky. “Worrying about leaving is normal. There’s very little that you can do to make it go away.”

Both experts suggest that the best way to overcome that guilty feeling is by finding childcare that makes you feel safe, secure and comfortable.

On the other hand, says Deutsch, moms she talks to often struggle with the fear that their baby will grow to “love the nanny more than them.” While this fear is common, it’s largely unfounded. “Nobody takes the place of the mommy,” Deutsch says.

Allow Time To Transition Into Your Childcare Routine

Your baby will need time to acclimate to his or her nanny or daycare, and you need time to grow comfortable with the new routine as well. If you’re hiring a nanny, Deutsch recommends starting your search eight weeks before going back to work, and having a one- to two-week trial period. “You want to know your nanny,” Deutsch says. “You want her to be someone you trust and love by the time you have to leave your child with her.”

Quigley advises moms to “try and establish a routine so [your child] knows what’s going to happen.” Plan to have your nanny arrive at a specified time, or drop your child off at daycare at the same time every day.

Start building the routine before you have to head back to work. “Leave for a very short time at first, and then a longer time and then a longer time,” says Galinsky, who also recommends leaving “transitional objects”—familiar things that may smell like you—to help your child adjust. Finally, make sure that you and your caregiver discuss how the first day will go so there are no surprises.

Create A Plan That Works For You

If you know you’ll be returning to work after maternity leave, “do as much advanced planning as you can,” says Quigley. Discuss your maternity leave with your boss months in advance so that expectations are clear. Galinsky points out that because of the Family and Medical Leave Act, “there’s the allowance for what’s called ‘intermittent leave,’ and that’s designed to help you get some flexibility in easing back.” You can create flexibility by returning to work early and spreading out your leave, or by not vacationing during the months before the baby is born and using that time later as an extension to your leave.

Most importantly, establish a routine that enables you to focus on work while at the office and focus on family at home. “Research says that kids don’t resent parents for working, they resent them for bringing work home with them,” Deutsch says. “When you come home, be ready to play and engage with [your baby] when you walk in the door.”

Finally, don’t feel like you have to have everything figured out from the beginning—instead, Galinsky says, “Take it a day at a time.”