Am I falling out of love?

Question

He was my first boyfriend, my first kiss, my first love. My first everything & I was his. The beginning of our relationship was a dream. I loved him so much and he loved me. We would do anything to ensure that the other person was happy. We talked and communicated. We didn't shout, yell, or blame one another. We moved out together, everything was perfect. We had fun, freedom, we were happy to take on life together and conquer the world. He absolutely adores me to this day. He is so kind, caring, genuine and would do anything for me, but I can't say the same. I feel like I've grown apart from him. We argue, yell, blame one another, get defensive and start using each other as a weapon. We both end up crying, apolosing- making up and I think how could I ever leave someone so amazing as him. I wake up and I don't feel the butterflies in my stomach anymore. He comes home from work and I'm not excited to see him. We are out of the honeymoon stage for sure aha. I know that this happens in relationships, you get into a routine and become to comfortable with one another. I do love him. I just don't know if that's because he was my first and we hold so many special memories together. He is an amazing guy. But this arguing and our differences are making me dispise him. I feel like I am in a toxic relationship? I think. I've talked to him about this. He said he loves me very much, and if anything his love grows stronger for me everyday. "If you feel like you need to leave, I'll understand." He said this while crying because he thought right there and then that I was going to. And I was, but I looked at him and couldn't do it. I don't want to do this with someone else. And the thought of him being with someone else made me jealous. I kept thinking, your an idiot. You love this guy. At the end of the day though jam still questioning what is right, what is wrong and what I should do. We have been together for a long time and we are both still very young. Any advice ANYTHING would be appreciated. Thank you

Answer

Couples often forget that love and happiness take effort , compromise and patience.   There are going to be bad times . Times where you can't stand him , times where you argue more.  Times where one is sleeping on the couch. As long as there isn't violence or abuse then I'd say this is completely normal in very relationship.  ..especially long term ones.  Eventually that initially bang fades , the honey moon period ends where you start to focus and zero in on flaws. Again it's normal.  I found that when this started happening to my husband and I,  I always focused on what he was doing wrong .. what he could do to change.  The more I did that and had all these expectations of his behaviour the more I resented him.  The second I decided to work on me and he worked on himself we ended up finding the spark and love again. This could be the end for you two.  Who knows . It's not uncommon to not stay with your first guy,  but before you decide to move on make sure you are sure.  You want ro do it with a clear conscience .. not wondering if you made a rash decision.  Good luck hun 💖

Answer

I don't think you've fallen out of love... I've been thru this phase... you guys are so comfortable it's boring and feels like a routine and not a relationship... get your spark back... plan a trip even if it's just the weekend in the next city over, cook him a special dinner, dress up in lingere for him, you have to work for your relationship it won't always be love hugs and kisses sometimes it has its moments where you aren't feeling it and that's when you work double time for what you want... if you have something real don't let it go because it's not as fun as it used to be there will always be room to grow! Good luck

Answer

I've been with my husband for 4 years. Married for almost 3 and expecting our first and second child. Our first year of marriage was tough. I reached the point where you are at right now. I knew he loved me and he wanted us but after everything we had been through I just wasn't sure I wanted it anymore. After awhile of being together you build up baggage. You carry around the good experiences and the bad. Sometimes that starts to weigh on you. I read this post someone wrote on Facebook around that time and it talked about how love is work. To fall in love it takes nothing at all. It isn't a choice. We can't help it. One day we just fall and we know we love that person. Staying in love, however, is hard. It takes work and continued commitment. Love and happy relationships don't just happen. They are constant work. It is date nights, long talks, yelling, kissing, and an overwhelming amount of forgiveness and understanding. You have to make a choice to stay in love. As long as your yelling and screaming, he is still fighting for you. When the fighting stops, that's when you know it's over. When you both give up when something bad happens because it just isn't worth the fight, that's when it's over. You're going to have times when you yell, fight, blame each other, and say mean things. It isn't nice, it isn't right, and it isn't fair but that's relationships. When I was in your spot I choose to fight for it. To work to love him. It was hard at first because their was hurt and open wounds but we are in such an amazing place now. We are happy. We both work so incredibly hard for what we have every day and that makes what we have so much stronger. The hard times and struggles just makes relationships stronger.

Am I falling out of love?

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