would you forgive your mom?


when I was 3 and 4 years old my mom who had custody of me had a boyfriend who was names Phil. he was 25 or so like my mom or he may have been older I don't know. he was babysitting me and he came into my room and was being all nice and I didn't know what he was doing. he was molesting me and he did it for a long time and I never realized that's what he was doing since I was 3 years old. around the time I was 4 he had raped me for the first time while he was "taking care of me" He broke my glasses. that's how my dad figured out something happened, my glasses were my prized prosession I loved them and wouldn't let them break. but Phil stepped on them that day. my dad was seeing my now step mom then and me being 4 years old and not knowing anything told them both what happened well in child terms and I don't know how I told them to this day my dad won't go into detail. My dad and step mom took me to the hospital and had me rape tested and I remember them taking pictures swabing me and all different things it's was terrifying. my so called "mom" didn't believe what I said and when he was taken to court she defended him. and said my step mom paid off the judge and doctors to say otherwise. I was to young at the time to testify and he wasn't charged. my mom lost custody of me and I lived with my dad and step mom ever since and visit my mom. and up until a year ago Phil went unmentioned in my moms house. he wasn't in her life anymore but she has a thing for talking to her ex's a lot. and she had brought him up saying. she's talking to him again and how he just went through a loss of a child and left his wife because he couldn't deal with it. and how much she misses him and he's coming over for Easter dinner and all this. saying he's so sweet and he's just gotten more handsome. she said this directly to my fucking face. what this man did to me is something my moms side of the family has never discussed or anything. ever. and having her say all that stuff about him last year threw me over the edge. I haven't been to her house to visit her. I've talked to her on the phone and seen her in the hospital but never will I ever be close to her. she took my rapists side. she's a fucking coward horrible mother. she raised one of her 3 children and he's psychotic. I got away but not fast enough to not have damage that is lasting a lifetime.