cheaters (long story)

I was engaged to my childhood crush. we have known each other since I could remember. dated while we were younger then we finally saw each other after years of not seeing each other. which was 3 years ago this september. we got together almost 2 years ago. everything between us was great. it wss like we have always been together. he was there for the trips to the hospital for kindney stones, to us loosing our baby. to proposing on my birthday of this year. I was there when he lost his aunt that we both were close to. some where along the time we were togetber he started to cheat. I knew something was off when he stopped doing what he once did like kissing on me amd wanting me in bed. either talking to another female or doing things with a female.. about a month ago thats when he said he wanted a break and by break he meant no talking or seeing each other mind you we live together. he then went to stay at his moms which is up the road for our place. but he still talked to me and saw me for a good two weeks before the third week where I found his phone with texts to his cousins wife and telling her how he loves her and mad she's married and he can't wait to have sex with her again. so I said something to him and her about it, he laughed in my face by my hurt he has caused me and as for his cousins wife she came up with some bullshit story saying how its some girl she works with and she's been trying to tell me for some time its been happening. so then I went to our place and packed my stuff and left I had to move back with family, mean while he was telling me for the last week's before I saw the texts that he wants me and loves me and we will work on things.. as the time goes on his family starts saying he never cheated on me anything he was just doing it to make me mad and that he does really love and wamt me. but each time I would go finished getting my stuff he was there with his cousins wife. the last time I went there I balled my eyes out just thinking how could he do this to me after I gave him anything he wanted. so I finally got my stuff all loaded in my car and asked if we could talk and we did and I was telling how I love him and I always will. if he needs me, I will be there and so on. so I said I love yoh forever like we always said and he couldn't even look me in my face and say it back to me. sadly I knew he never loved me the way I loved him. I mean he cared for me the way a man should but he never loved me the way he should have. I also had to call him last Thursday to help me because my dog was killed and I thought he would help calm me down because I couldn't breath and I thought he would at least be there for me. but he wasn't he just said sorry and that he doesn't know what to do. I asked him what did I do to deserve to loose what I wanted for myself in the future meaning him and to loose my dog all in one month.. he didnt know what to say other sorry... mind you he loved my dog as well. but yet didn't care like he once did because he was too worried about his cousins wife. I know I domt need him but I sure do want him because he's been there unlike my family has. all I. know is that this has to be the hardest thing for me because I lost lostmy future, my dog and having to deal with it going on a year since I miscarried. I'm facing it all alone. I mean I have my dad and his wife but its not the same for me.