Feeling so down RPL

I have had 5 pregnancy losses in the last 2 years, been ttc since 2013 no living children. 2 of my pregnancies have been at the same time as my sister in laws who went on to give birth to their girls after i miscarried my girls. I have had ever test under the sun and they cant quite tell me any reason this should be happening so no after more testing i am back ttc for the second month. I have been very open and vocal about my grief all of my friends and family know how painful these losses have been for me, how it has left me with a sort of ptsd effect revolving around pregnancy bc all of my pregnancy experiences have been extremely high stress and obviously end in heart break. Prior to my losses, while ttc for 3 years without any luck i was not sensitive about the subject and stayed positive that someday it would happen for us but after seeing my first baby grow and hearing her heart beat and then losing her i have become so broken and with each next loss it has become worse. I have made it clear to everyone close to me that pregnancy and baby talk is hard for me as a result bc typically i am everyones therapist, the person everyone comes to for help and support, and thats the one subject i have had to draw the line on. This past months bfn felt especially heavy to me considering ive had lot of bfns i think the new year approaching was a reminder of another year that my babies are not here when they should have been if my body didnt fail them, another year older and ive just been in a bad place since then. Despite expressing my emotions constantly i still seem to be the first person anyone turns to for anything including baby and pregnancy related things and it puts me in a really awkward position bc if i push myself to be supportive of them for their benefit i am continuing to harbor such pain and resentment that they are putting me in this position after ive said multiple times it pains me but if i dont pretend to be "happy for them" and totally fine then i feel like a bad person. This morning i woke up to texts from one of my best friends telling me she thinks she is pregnant but the lines are faint and shes stressing about it and i just feel so angry! Im not mad that shes pregnant i am happy enough for her but i dont understand why she of all people wouldnt at least wait until she was sure she was pregnant to then tell me in a less casual way, it makes me feel like she thinks its not a big what ive been through when it has changed every ounce of my soul. It is not about wanting A baby it is about mourning MY babies and to bot have that acknowledged feels like those loves sre not being acknowledged and that infuriates me bc i love those lives so much. Now i am stuck once again choosing between my own mental well being and not acknowledge her pregnancy like she isnt acknowledging all of mine or do "the right thing" and engage in this conversation even though the details moving forward are going to send me into a spiral of emotions. Has anyone with rpl been through these feelings? I feel so alone all the time. My husband is pained by it as well and we do talk about our babies often but he is insanely positive and hopeful that we will have living children someday and that will help bring some closure to our grief where i instead feel even more pressure that i am the one failing us and i need to be successful in order to help my husbabs heal and with each loss i become less and less confident that i can do that. I just feel so alone and am hoping someone here will be able to confirm that i have not turned into an evil person and that my grieving is valid