I'm Scared

My secret is that I'm scared. I'm still scared after 4 years.

4 years ago I left an abusive man. I was with him for 3 years. I still don't know how to have/keep friends because I wasn't allowed to have any when I was with him. I never go home to visit my family because I'm terrified to run into him or his family (very small town). This is so bad that I have panic attacks over it. I really feel like I need some professional help but I'm to ashamed to tell anyone that it still affects me 4 years later. I'm afraid nobody will understand and they will tell me to get over it. I'm afraid my husband would look at me differently. He knows about my past but he doesn't know I still hurt from it. I don't have anyone I trust to talk about this with and I don't have the money to get help. My relationship with my family is beginning to suffer because of my fear.