Miscarriage after pregnancy

So I’m no stranger to miscarriage but it never gets easier. I had 4 miscarriages and suffered through 9 years of infertility before finally having a happy healthy baby boy. He’s now 18 months old and trust me I’ve thought about WANTING to have another child. Though I’ve talked about this with my spouse and we both had doubts that I would be able to conceive again. There are a few reason why we felt this way. One because of my age and two because how long it took to have our first. Well surprise the stick said “pregnant” last month and I about fainted. I was stressing about telling my spouse but he was actually excited. The. Last weekend the inevitable happened. Somehow I thought it would be easier to go through but it still hurts just as bad. Before having my son I could only imagine what could be but now I know. It’s that feeling that is killing me right now. I look at my sweet baby boy’s face and it just hurts. I love him so much but I feel like a failure. How come I can’t do the basic thing I was made to do. It so easy for others but I keep failing. Life seems so unfair. Sorry for venting just needed to release so if these feelings.