I’ve always had depression, im active duty so seeking treatment I’m kinda scared and I don’t want to get separated or anything so I’ve always kept it on the low low. After I had my daughter two years ago it got worse so of course PPD was in full effect and they gave me medication. However they made a HUGE deal that I was on medication for it. So now I am terrified that my career might be on the line.

I’m currently 33 weeks pregnant and I’m going through A LOT of stress right now. Like I am barely holding it together. My sister is going through chemo, I’m going through NJP (legal military shit) my whole world is falling apart I’m at wits ends and I’m terrified to seek help. I’m constantly crying. I feel so disconnected to my child in my womb. I seriously have no excitement for this child coming all I feel is dread and pain. I feel like a terrible mom. I have no desire to even get his room ready. I just feel like I fuck up every little thing and I have no desire to live. I’m just so sad and irritated that I’m pregnant right now because I want to end it all, I’d never harm my child. Never ever. I just want to feel better from this pain. I’m afraid to seek help and I’m terrified to seek help as well. I just don’t want to continue feeling this hopeless.

Please know I will not and will never harm myself while I am pregnant with my child.