Sorry for the long post but I really really need some help here please take the time to read.

Okay so this is going to be a sort of long story but please read. So this guy came over and we used to hook up like 3 years ago. Well he came over and we ended up hooking up. I didn’t really want to do anything with him but I felt so pressured and the way he kept hinting at it I was like fine okay We will just do it real quick. So we started hooking up and the whole time I wanted him to stop and I wanted it to be over but looking at his face I really felt like I couldn’t say stop or no. He even asked me if I was sure before it started and I said yeah. I guess a small part of me wanted to but once it was happening I felt so uncomfortable and really just wanted it to stop but I felt like I couldn’t. It went on for a while me hating every second. Then I started tearing up because I was going to cry so I said can we stop and he said yeah. So we stopped what we were doing but he pulled me on him and started kissing me again and I just felt so powerless. I said after a minute can we stop and he said yeah and then tried to cuddle and I tried to get up and say can we just go out in the living room but he just pulled me back. Finally I got up and we got dressed. So I know it wasn’t rape and I could have stopped at any time but I just felt so powerless and just something about his face just made me so scared and uncomfortable so I kind of put up with it until it was just too much. I know it wasn’t rape and it’s my fault but I feel so dirty and have really bad anxiety. I feel violated and like I don’t want to sleep in my bed and just have anxiety attacks just thinking about anyone touching me down there. It wasn’t rape so why do I feel like this? And how do I get it to stop? I feel so scared and uncomfortable and don’t even want to be in my house. Am I being ridiculous? Why do I feel like this? Please honest opinions here. I think it is a lot more than just regretting it but I could really use some feedback. by the way we were friends and that wasn’t supposed to happen, we were supposed to just hang out. Thank you in advance.