Confused lost &’ hurt

My husband and I been trying for a baby since June ... finally I got my positive test December 6 I was soo excited and happy I was going to give my son a brother or sister he was going to be so close with , I was so excited to bring another little human into this world that was going to love us uncontrollably. But god had other plans , on December 17 I went to the hospital for light cramps and tiny bleeding , my HCG levels where 180 the doctor told me either it was a miscarriage to early in pregnancy or a tubal pregnancy, yesterday It was confirmed it was a miscarriage my levels dropped to 64.0 , i was so upset all I could do was cry and cry and cry I laid in bed all night and cried didn’t move a inch all I could think was why ? We prayed and dreamed for this pregnancy January 2nd was supposed to be my first check up , February 5th was supposed to be the first ultrasound my first look of my baby , August 16 2019 was supposed to be my due date 😢🥺🥺I cant do anything but cry Words can’t express how I feel . I know many other mommas has been thru this situation how did you deal with it ? I just sit in the room and don’t want to move eat or anything.. I never thought something like this would happen to me .. my husband held me wipes my tears just telling me it’s okay it wasn’t the right time , when your body heals well try again . But do I want to ? I’m scared of going thru this again ..