3 weeks PP, is this PPD or normal? (Long post)

I’m a first time mom and my husband is a first time dad. We’re figuring things out together and I am very lucky to have a supportive partner. We like to keep a lot between the two of us. We went to the hospital and gave birth without telling any family. My mom, stepdad and his mom came to see the baby right after she was born and those were our only visitors at the hospital. We just wanted some bonding time on our own. Our stay at the hospital was rough as my daughter wouldn’t latch, was struggling to breast feed and I felt very shamed by some of the staff. When we went home breastfeeding continued to be difficult and I would cry a lot about it. It was so stressful so we didn’t allow visitors. I couldn’t imagine having people over while trying to get the hang of a screaming newborn who was struggling to feed. The amount of anxiety I would feel about the thought of people coming over would make me cry hysterically. breastfeeding has gotten better with the help of a nipple shield. Sleeping has been no picnic. We’ve had to take shifts with her since she doesn’t like to sleep in her basinet or any safe sleeping space. So we’re both exhausted. We’re currently still working on getting her to sleep in her bassinet.

We’re on 3 weeks (1 month on June 1st). I felt more ready for visitors. So we made plans and I allowed my biological dad to come over and meet the baby on Wednesday. The entire time he held her I just wanted to snatch her back. I had to keep telling myself it’s okay for someone else to hold her. Both my husband and I made it clear that we didn’t want anyone to kiss her on her hands or face, wash their hands and when she cries they needed to hand her over since her eating is still inconsistent. Of course my dad kissed her cheek, then tried to console her when she cried. I got so upset I stood up and took her back. Then when my dad left, I cried and cried and cried. So we canceled plans for other people to meet her. I don’t want people passing her around like a hot potato. I don’t want people doing things that we asked them not to. I didn’t realize having a visitor would bother me so much. We haven’t taken her out in public other than the doctor office and I get nervous thinking about taking her anywhere.

Family on both sides has been pressuring us for visits. They’re also pressuring us to take her to large family get togethers out of town from places ranging 45 mins to 6 hours away from our home. Obviously some places we would have to stay overnight with a baby who cries and won’t sleep! My husband and I don’t feel comfortable with that. Now some are asking if I’m okay and sending me messages about how I’m feeling.

I have an appetite, I’m so happy to have her, I don’t have a loss in interest in anything. I enjoy caring for my daughter and husband, even though I do miss work.

Am I not behaving normally? I feel fine but maybe I just don’t see it?