Have you ever gotten to the point where you just cry?

I’m at that point; I’ve been at that point I can’t seem to get out of that point.

My rant, well my rant has a lot of parts.

1. I have PCOS I gained a TON of weight, I look awful and I’m basically a fat cow. (Or a beached whale so I’ve been told).

2. My husband and I can’t conceive. It kills me.

3. Although I’m excited for her, my best friend is pregnant with her second.

4. My sister in law and brother are expecting in like 3 weeks. Their 4th kid, I found out bc she sent me a baby bump picture of herself in a mirror while smoking.

5. Yesterday was my sister n laws wedding. It should have been a great day but: my hair salon was over booked I got bumped. I ended up at a shit place Great Clips, she BUTCHERED my hair. I went to get my nails done, he slipped with the file and cut my finger. Got my brows waxed...she balded me. My nice thick brows-gone and I have to fill the section everyday bc she took too much off. Then, I go to my sister n laws ceremony; seemingly beautiful-then no one could tell me where to sit (I was doing a reading but also wanted to sit next to my husband) I was basically told “figure it out” I don’t care by my husband. Fucked up my reading, so much so that people thought they needed to reassure me that it was okay and went well. Then, I see my other sister n law- instantly knew she was Pregnant. (She hasn’t told me) My husband disagreed with me. Said no no, then later that night she took him (not me) aside and told him she was pregnant. She’s married but, she’s 25 and 5 years younger than me and I STILL CANT GET PREGNANT. But, hey let the baby dust rain on the people who weren’t trying.

6. The valet FUCKED up my car, dented it opening up someone else’s car into mine and basically brushed it off.

7. My other sister in law was being a complete jerk to my MIL which made her sad on her daughters wedding day.

8. My husband deserted me for nearly 1/2 the reception.

9. Sister n law from #6- got super drunk and kept getting her husband drinks saying “time to get drunk because Im getting a baby tonight”.

I know I should be excited for them, my sister in laws and my friends... I know I shouldn’t let it bother me... but I can’t.

I just can’t. I’m losing my fucking mind.

Nothing makes me happy, I’m self conscious when I have sex with my husband (if we have sex) We’ve has months in the past were we go what seems like forever not having sex. I hate the clothes I own. I hate the way I look in photos, I hate seeing family, I hate that I hate literally everything about me. I’m just done.

Okay, rant over.