Emotional Recovery from Unplanned C-Section

We all know that the physical recovery from an unplanned c-section is awful. But what I don’t see talked about as often is the emotional recovery. Personally, I labored for over 36 hours before my unplanned c-section. The c-section itself was its own special kind of hell—I threw up the whole time and had auditory hallucinations in the 24 hours immediately following—probably due to the lack of sleep and lack of food during labor, combined with the trauma of the c-section itself. Obviously not the “ideal birth experience”. And afterwards, I did really mourn that. I felt sorry for myself, robbed out of “giving birth”, I felt angry at my body for not being able to do what it was built to do, and I felt jealous of all the women who were pregnant at the same time as me who didn’t have to have c-sections. I also felt guilty. I felt I was “less of a mom” because of my c-section. And I felt like I had no one to really talk to about it, because I didn’t know anyone else who’d had one. Furthermore, I think the whole c-section experience contributed to my development of PPD. Fast forward to a little over a year later and I’m still bitter. Has anyone else felt the same? What has your emotional recovery been like?