Is something wrong with my 5 year old?

Question

To preface 
A month ago my mom was primarily watching my 5 and 2 year old (both boys) while I worked. I have a little sister who is 9 that is doing the online school at home now because of Covid. After a couple of weeks of them going there every day I was looking on my son's phone and he had taken a video of himself flashing his penis at the camera. My husband and I sat down with him and tried to have a calm conversation about why would do that. He ended up saying my 9 year old sister told him to do it. I tried talking to my mom about it but it ended in a huge fight and now we're no longer on speaking terms.
Fast forward to right now. 
I just got home with both the boys and I went straight to the bathroom. As I'm walking out into the living room I see my 5 year old on top of my 2 year with his pants and underwear pulled all the way down. I lost it. I tried to ask him calmly what he was doing and he said my 2 year old told him to. I started screaming at him and spanked him and dragged him to his room where he is now in away from my 2 year old. I don't know what to do and I'm afraid my 5 year old will do something.

Answer

Have him see a therapist. Something isn't right

Answer

Yes clearly something is wrong.
Either he was exposed to something on the internet (exactly why children should never not be monitored strictly while online), or he has seen or been exposed to that type of behaviour. 
Losing your cool isn't doing anyone any favors.
Contact a therapist for your child and yourself ASAP.

Answer

I would reconsider the 5tear old having his own phone. Instead of spanking and punishing a child for being curios I would have a conversation with him about keeping his privates to himself and a discussion about why is is doing what he is doing. Also, since you are very concerned I would suggest therapy for your boy.

Answer

It’s probably the phone. You shouldn’t hit kids for things they literally don’t understand. Should you give him a high five? No. But he’s only 5 and getting to the root of the problem and seeing what you could be doing better would be more productive and less traumatic.

Answer

Behaviour like that is learned. Have him see a therapist

Answer

I am a teacher of elementary school. Some boys tend to be very curious and do weird things. Every year there is always a handful of boys from kinder through 2nd that do strange things. They peak at each other, show their penis off, de-pants, spank.... they aren’t usually dangerous actions but just curious boys. I hate the saying “boys will be boys” and how some people use gender as an excuse for bad behavior. I say that so you know I’m not just trying to excuse away problem behavior. I want you to know that it happens more than some people realize without there being a predatory element. Have him see someone if you are worried about his behaviors or if you are worried something may have happened to him.

Answer

I would try and book him in to see a child therapist as they will have the expertise to ask the right questions in the right way and also help with developing a plan going forward. In the meantime I’d:
1. Teach him about his body and what is appropriate without telling him he’s a ‘bad’ kid. For example, ‘We always keep our pants on around other people unless we’re having a bath or a doctor/mum needs to check if something is wrong.’ And/or ‘You can’t touch anyone else where their bathing suit covers’. Do this in a calm, low key but matter of fact way. 
2. Let him know when and how he needs to seek help, eg ‘If an adult or another kid asks you to pull down your pants or do something that makes you feel unsafe, you need to come and tell me or another trusted adult straight away. We don’t keep secrets’.
The therapist will be the best person to delve any deeper than this and ask him further questions.

Answer

I’d try taking him to talk to someone and maybe he doesn’t need his phone. I think maybe he saw something inappropriate with your sister on her computer, I know I use to babysit this little boy who never had issues like this and one day I was watching him and several other boys for a pool party, they were from ages 4-6 and I heard one of them tell him to put his mouth on his peepee when they go in the pool. I immediately took the boy I normally babysit aside and told him that was not ok and don’t do anything like that no matter who tells him to. I then told the boys mother as well as the mom of the boy I normally babysit for. The other boys mom brushed it off saying it was probably something he saw on tv (idk want a 5 year old would be watching on tv that showed that) but my usual boys mom talked with him and had him talk with a counselor.

Answer

Hm, I know this is a hard question, but I would ask him (in an age appropriate way) if anyone has been touching him in appropriate ways. 
Hopefully that’s not the case. (Just because he is acting inappropriately doesn’t necessarily mean anything happened to him) 
I would let him know In a way that is not shaming, that he shouldn’t be putting his penis on other people, and shouldn’t be exposing it on camera. I would also consider taking him to therapy, having a therapist can not only be helpful for him, but it can also be a support for you, and can help you talk to him about what’s going on. 
Also, it is normal for him to be curious about his body, and other people’s bodies-but this is a good opportunity to teach him about consent and what is not appropriate.  
I’m wondering if he is watching things that are inappropriate when he’s with your mom?

Answer

I would take him to a therapist maybe? He had to have seen or heard something somewhere that is making him think this is okay

Is something wrong with my 5 year old?

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