Miscarriage, ectopic pregnancy and possible cervical cancer in less than 2 months?? Wtf.. 2/2

PART 2

So much went through my head. I remember my Aunty having her first breast biopsy, which traumatised her so much she now needs a support person everytime she goes for a mammogram, just incase they tell her they need to do another. The pain is what traumatised her.

This lady wanted to cut a piece of my cervix out. Because I have cancer? Do I have cancer? Will she numb me first? Will the numbing needle hurt? I just wanted my mum. But COVID-19, right. I was so scared and for the first time in the appointment my eyes filled with tears, though not enough to spill over. For months I had faced bad news in a clinical environment.

Everything happened so quickly. She told me to take a breath, to cough. It was done, I didn’t feel her cut anything away and I was so relieved for a second. Just a second. Because my uterus (or something in there) sensed danger even if I didn’t feel it and the cramping was intense.

So now I’m left waiting for a letter for my results, whether good or bad, I have to open that envelope myself and read what it says. I am never someone to feel sorry for myself, or to think the worst of any situation.

But after the past few months, can you blame me? I have had a virus inside my body for at least 4 years. A virus that causes cancer. Who knows what it’s been doing? What damage it’s done? Especially for my screening results to go from low grade changes to high grade changes. Even low grade changes is bad news, dangerous.

There are people that have it so much worse than me. That will still be true even if the results do come back positive for cancerous cells..... I’d like to say I’m ready for whatever the results will be but who knows if they’re ready for something until they’re faced with it. I know I’m strong, it the results are negative I’ll laugh at myself for even getting to a point where I’m worried because it’s unusual for me.

This post turned out a hell of a lot longer than I’d thought. I feel better to have written it down. I don’t know if I’ll push post, but I’ll think about it... if you made it this far, god I appreciate you, whatever your opinion of me and my decisions and circumstances are, you care enough about other women to learn their story. ❤️