Never felt this way

So I have been pregnant 49 times give or take, lol ok over exaggerating this is my 7th (2 surros) my kids are 16,12,11,20 months) I have never been so uncomfy in my entire life , in any pregnancy my belly is rock hard 24 hrs a day, I feel gross and in pain all day these past 3/4 days. I have had to poo everything out within hours , like 4-5 soft big stools a day that come with some urgency and as I lay here now 36.2w I have horrid pain in my right kidney area and what I can explain only as waves of searing back pain every 15/20 min ... I’m sure it’s fake labor and the hospital is 1.5 hours away so best believe I’m not jumping up to go get checked unless this baby sends me an email telling me he is really coming .... 😑 just so over it right now so much discomfort