Am I being unreasonable?

Question

My partner is trying to force me to spend Christmas Day with his family, I don’t celebrate Christmas as I’ve always disliked any ‘family celebrations’ from a kid. I made it clear to him from the very first time we spoke about Christmas plans that I will not be participating plus we’ve been together 6 years I would’ve thought he’d know by now. It’s been bought up tonight when I asked what they plan to do tomorrow and now I’m all the names under the sun and I will just be ruining Christmas for everyone else🙄 the past 3 Christmases I have taken the children to grandparents to celebrate Christmas, this will be the first year they’ve spent with their dad and his family, I was looking forward to just having some alone time and being on my own for a while and now I’m being made to feel like I’m a horrible person for not wanting to be there and now have had to cancel my own plans to go with them. I’ve already offered to help prep some of the food so it’s not like I’m leaving them short of a pair of hands but I just feel I’m going to ruin Christmas more being anti social (I don’t mean to be but it happens every Christmas Day, I absolutely despise it and there is nothing that gets me out of the mood)🙄 I’ve tried saying so many different things to get me out of it but according to him none are good enough and I’m “coming whether I like it or not”. I don’t want to sit there and pretend to be happy families when I’m not having a good time because I’m being forced to do something I have never had interest in participating in. My own family aren’t bothered that I hate Christmas I don’t see why he can’t be. I just don’t know what to do and I’m honestly debating fucking off without a word but that will probably just cause more shit😑
I just want some advice of what I can do in this situation. I’d also appreciate if you don’t have anything nice to say about me not liking Christmas then move on because it’s not like the majority of the world aren’t celebrating a religious festival when it has no significance to them.

Accepted Answer

Grow up? I’m sorry but just because you don’t like going to family get togethers doesn’t mean you shouldn’t attend them. There should be some give and take.

Answer

Um honestly yeah lol. I hate family parties too but I get over it. I can’t imagine having kids and just shipping them off somewhere else for Christmas. Once you are in a relationship and have kids, I think there needs to be some sacrifice. Your partner wants to spend Christmas with his family. You’re a part of that. I don’t know why you’d want to be a downer and not go to celebrate with others. I don’t get it.

Answer

A little, yes. 
Relationships are about compromise, and doing things every now and then for the sole purpose of making your partner happy. You don't have to get your way on every single thing, every single time. 
It seems like for the last 6 years, you've done your own thing with the kids. Now is the year that he gets to go to his family instead, and he wants his partner to be there with him 
I'm sure you can suffer through a few hours, one day a year, because you like to see your partner happy

Answer

I think you should compromise and go for 1-2hrs then go home. Sometimes you got to bite the bullet.

Answer

Its not unreasonable to be consistent in your feelings and actions 🙄 you've been together long enough for him to know how you feel, I'm sure you've said multiple times you don't like/aren't comfortable with it. Whats unreasonable is your partner feeling like they can control what you do or don't do. If you don't want to go, don't. If HE doesn't like it, oh well, thats his problem. He can't force you to do something "if you like it or not".

Answer

You would rather spend Christmas alone the with your kids? You are pissed at him for forcing you to do something you don’t like but in the process you are forcing him to do something he doesn’t want to. Each to there own but maybe your partner actually wants to be with you for Christmas. Best off that you don’t go.

Answer

Just put your foot down and say no. I wouldn’t go to something I didn’t want to go to. However if you’re worried it’s going to cause problems then you may have to go. Not sure how far you want to take it.

Answer

I think he knew what he was getting into if you were upfront with him. Clearly it bugs him on some level, but, you let him know what to expect. No real reason to expect much different after 6 years, right? 
I don't like the festivities much either. I just panic and do my best. 
So im not that mad covid changed my plan this year, haha.

Answer

I hate get togethers and being with people, but it’s a part of life. I think it’s essential to talk about a good compromise. 
Sometimes social situations are too over stimulating for me, so I have to find a quiet spot or be firm about how long we stay.

Answer

If you live in the USA then you shouldn’t be going anywhere imo. If there was no Covid then sure it would be better if you stay with your kids and partner for the holidays. I understand you don’t like it but maybe try to start some fun, different traditions with your own girls! Make it your own special thing. Take the holiday back for yourself and make it what you want it to be. I bet your kids want to be with you on Christmas. All that said, this year I support you all staying home and being with the pple you live with in ur household. Anyway Merry Christmas!🎄🎁

Am I being unreasonable?

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