Helpless and heartbroken

I feel like I’m totally failing my kids. They’re 6 and 2 and always fighting. The 6 year old lies, makes poor choices, and hides things. STILL CANNOT SHARE AND PLAY NICELY WITH SIBLINGS. She’s so hard to be around, never easy going. My husband sets a bad example to them by disregarding what I say and dismissing me and my feelings. I beg him for alone time and he acts more than willing to give it to me but it never happens because “whoops! I had to work on the yard. It had to get done. You need to be more intentional and you will get your time. Stop blaming me.” What?? How is you hijacking my promised alone time to do what you want = to me not being intentional???? I asked you for it and you said yes and then didn’t give me time dude! This has been the case for 6 years so it’s not coincidental.

He says he’s eager to be a team and help me but refuses to hear me when I tell him how I need him to help me.

The 2 year old sees me cry all the time because she’s always up my ass and I never have alone time and my husband gaslights me and tells me I’m a bad mom. So whenever I’m sad I can’t step away and gather myself, she’s always right there! Well I need a break!!!!!!!!!!! And I want him to step up and be a good father/husband!!!!!

He tells me I have to acknowledge my role in my mental state being where it is, that it’s not his fault. I’m trying all I can on my end though. I just need him to step up!