Having a really hard night

So, I graduate soon and it’s been hard. It’s brought up a lot of thoughts.

My mom died due to brain cancer when I was 10 years old, she’s missed a lot and it’s hard. When I was younger everyone thought I was too young to understand, but I understood.

I didn’t feel the effects of losing my mom until I got into my pre teen years, it hits really hard now.

I have so many big events coming up and she can’t be there, it hurts. She can’t come to my graduation, she’ll never meet my loving boyfriend who treats her daughter so well, she’ll never hold my kids, she’ll never see me get married, she’ll never be able to hold me when I feel like my world is crumbling, she’ll never be able to just look at Christmas lights with me, or call me for no reason, she’ll never be able to know I did all I do for her honor.

I’ll never hug her again, I’ll never hear her say she loves me just one more time, I can’t even remember what she sounds like now… I’m usually fine but it’s just so hard right now bc I’ll never get those memories with her, and not remembering what she sounds like- it’s heartbreaking