Torn between

My husband used to physically abuse me and we never got therapy. If i don’t bring it up he won’t bring it up. When i try and speak on it he says i have ptsd or it’s bad timing. He says I’m bringing up the past and i should be over it basically. Last year he kicked me in my stomach because I wanted to get my house key out of his hands. I said well we did agree on counseling. Then he says things like he’s not abusive he just doesn’t like people disrespect him or talk to him crazy. idk what to do. Maybe i should give up