3 and a half years

My boyfriend and I dated for 3 and a 1/2 years. We broke up on the 21st of June. The day after our break up he changed his profile pictures but kept our relationship status up and his posts about me on Instagram and Facebook. His reasoning for breaking up was that he needed to grow and he really didn’t know who he was and he wanted to figure that out. He said he doesn’t feel like the man he always claimed to be. I respect his choice I really do. I believe he needs to do that stuff. I do too. I miss him. I love him and I’m still in love with him. I get we need to grow and everything and that needs to be on our own. I just can’t stand not talking/ being apart.

Saturday the 21st… we had a great day we went to a grad party and went golfing. After golf we sat in the clubhouse and talked with the owners for a couple hours. We then went home. On our way home he just went white and showed no emotion. I asked what was wrong and he kept saying nothing. I let it go and when we got home I went inside to let the dog out and change. I laid in bed and noticed he never came inside. I looked in the garage and he wasn’t there and I went to check his car and he was just sitting there. I opened the door and asked if we needed to talk and he said yes. So we went into the garage and talked. He told me what I wrote above. I then asked if we were done and he sat there for a good five minutes before he answered me. He said yes and nodded his head. I went in and packed a bag. I came out with the dog and dropped everything off in my car. I walked back in to let him know I was leaving. He got up and hugged me. I then left. He did have a few drinks so I didn’t know what to believe. At like 1:30am he snap chatted me a picture of his face and I didn’t think that was fair.

Sunday the 22nd… I drove back home early that morning. I got home and I sat on the couch. He was still sleeping. I got up to use the restroom and I noticed next to his gaming system he drank a 3/4 full bottle of liquor. I then sat on the couch and talked with my mom. She told me to fight for him. So I slowly walked into our bedroom and he woke up. He asked if I drove back and I said yes. I then asked if he could come speak with me. He said yes. I sat at the dining table waiting. He finally came out. I let him start and it was kinda a repeat of the night before. He was making jokes and kinda talking about our future though so I got some false hope. I told him what I needed to work on too. I tried fighting for him but he was sure about his decision. He told me he couldn’t make the commitment right now. I respected his decision after fighting a little longer. I got up and packed another bag. He sat at the table with his head down and cried. I walked out and asked about the house and he said he’d keep it as I can’t afford it on my own. I asked him to leave and go to his parents while I figure out where to go. He got up and changed and left. Nothing else said. I had to text him later on and ask him if he talked to his sister yet so I could transfer the VRBO to her for the family vacation. It was under my name. He said he hasn’t talked to anyone yet and I said did you not talk to your parents? And he said they weren’t homanf I said ah okay. He said yeah and I then had to ask if he was going to be outta town this week and he said yeah but he’s taking Monday off. I said okay. He then said “I’ll try to do something stuff around the house “ and I said “it’s fine. I can take care of it.” And he said “Is there any of my stuff that needs to be moved” and I said “No you can leave it how it is. I will take care of it all. Do you want that tv and cubical? And that dresser I won’t have room in my storage unit for them “ and he said “What tv” and I said “tv stand sorry” and he said “I can take them if you don’t want them. If you ever have room for them tho or decide you want them I will give them to you” and I said “Okay, I will be out by the end of 4th of July weekend” and he said “Alright do you need anything from me” and then I got super emotional and said “No. I love you very very much and I’m sorry it has come down to this but I think it’s okay. I hope maybe one day we can find eachother again but I’m not going to hope for that. I will contact you if I need anything for my car and I will contact you when I am fully moved out. I hope you are okay and I will miss you. Thank you for the past 3 & 1/2 years. Let me know if you need anything from me. I will figure this VRBO stuff out eventually.” And he said “I love you too and I’m sorry that this is what’s happening. You’ve taught me a lot over the last few years and I’m sorry to let you down. I will be alright in time but I hope you reach all of your goals you deserve it I will miss you too but I need to figure me out because I don’t really know much right now. I’m sorry” and I said “I know you do and I respect that. Like I said maybe down the road… but we will see. Just make sure you talk to your parents and Makenzy. Just be truthful with them. You will do great things too. Don’t be afraid to ever reach out.” And he said “I know you do and I respect that. Like I said maybe down the road… but we will see. Just make sure you talk to your parents and Makenzy. Just be truthful with them. You will do great things too. Don’t be afraid to ever reach out.” And I left it there… I was heartbroken and couldn’t chat anymore.

We didn’t chat at all Monday and I was ready to start no contact.

Tuesday I paid my car payment and his name is on my car and he messaged me “Guessing that was you I just got the car payment notification for” like who else would it be? And I ignored it. He messaged again “What is the login for the ntec app.” So I sent a huge list of things he needs to know. I called all companies in my name and asked what we need to do. And I let him know he can still use my streaming services. And he messaged back “Are you sure. I can delete all the stuff. Trying to b e fare. Do you want me to pay some to use them” and I said “you can use them. No need to pay” he said “Okay so will do it Thursday. You can keep YouTube tv too. Sorry I know you’re not wanting to talk to me much but just really trying not to have bad blood” and I said “Thank you. No bad blood at all. Very respectful on both ends. I told you to reach out if need be. If you need any further information let me know. I just wanna respect your space but also respect mine.” And he said “Completely understand I’m sure you know the YouTube login but if you need it I’ll get it to you also can you remind we which days garbage goes out and that will be my last question for now” and I said “Garbage comes every Tuesday morning. Every other Thursday morning recycling. I will write everything down for you too.” And he said thank you and then also said “Did leave out one thing and I’m done! Not trying to bother but I want you to have the concert tickets and go with Jenny” and I ignored it because I can’t deal with that rn.

Haven’t spoke since but I did leave some papers at home with all the information. He never messaged me. Most of my stuff was packed up too. He also went to a wedding Friday and he looked happy. Why do I feel like this is turning dirty? Like he’s mad at me? Like I’ll never see him again? I know this break up is still fresh. I get that. Today he removed our relationship status on Facebook. He still hasn’t deleted the posts about me but I see it coming soon and that sucks.. I feel like he’s the one I really do but I’m not gonna know for a while and that sucks. I just needed to let this out. I know the pain will get better. That’s not what I need to hear rn.