How do you talk to your kids about death? At what age did you tell them about death?

Question

Currently my sister-in-law is struggling to talk to her kids (10 and 14) about death. Their grandmother (my sister-in-law's mother-in-law) died in December and my sister-in-law has been telling them that she's on vacation and can't be reached. This was my mother-in-law's approach to death with her kids. I wholeheartedly disagree with this approach.
How did you talk to your kids about death?

Answer

I don’t think hiding it is a way to go. My 4yo knows what death is because her baby sister died. She understands that her sister is no longer here. We go to the cemetery together and she always asks if we can bring her flowers. 
I literally explained it like this. “mommy is very sad because your baby sister passed away. That means that she is not going to be coming home with us. We can talk to her anymore but we are going to bury her so we have a spot to go whenever we want to talk to your baby sister. But she knows you love her very much and she loves you more.”

Answer

Why can't she be straightforward with a 10 and 14 year old? They're not babies. Death is a natural part of life.

Answer

Because that won’t mess the kids up…. 🙄My 2 year old knows what death is, he probably doesn’t understand it, but we’ve talked about it.

Answer

We said that sometimes people get sick and they can't get better so they die. We explain that it means we can no longer see them, but we can still talk to them in our hearts and minds. That they are no longer suffering and have their healthy bodies back in Heaven, and they will be waiting for us when it is our time.  I don't believe hiding it from them and lying is going to help the kids develop a connection between life and death. My kids have said goodbye to three great-grandparents and a couple of pets. So we have had a lot of discussions about death and how everyone does pass on one day. While they do get sad about others dying, they also accept it as a part of life. My kids are 6 and 3.

Answer

My son is 4 and aware of death. Although, he has never experienced a death in our family, he is familiar with the topic. It’s has been simple up to this point, for example lady bugs that he has found and were dead or dead spiders or stepping on ants will kill them, So basically, just bugs at this point. He knows his great grandma with him in pictures and that she has died. 
I would think a 10 and 14 year old would already know what death is and everything, to a point, that goes with that. Imagine what those kids will feel about their mom when they find out she lied to them.

Answer

We told our son that his grandma was really sick and then she died because that’s what happens in life. We didn’t really get into details, we focus more on remembering the happy times we had visiting together. He was not quite 3 at the time and accepted our short answer and moved on, I don’t think he really understood but also hasn’t asked about it since and it’s been a year now

Answer

I’ve had straight forward talks with my 3 year old about death because she lost her great grandma who she was so close with. I know at 3 she won’t FULLY understand but I wanted to be honest with her. We’re catholic but aren’t really “practicing Catholics”. So she knows that grandma has passed away and she won’t see her anymore and if you ask her where she is she will say she’s in heaven.

Answer

I approached it in a straightforward, developmentally appropriate way by letting them know that the person wasn’t alive anymore, and we wouldn’t be able to see them anymore. We are not religious and don’t believe in any sort of “afterlife”, so I didn’t tell them any of that stuff. Just matter of fact.

How do you talk to your kids about death? At what age did you tell them about death?

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