Why does it feel like I have to try to love my boyfriend?

We’ve been together for almost 4 years, and we have 2 kids together. I don’t like when he touches me, I don’t like having sex, I feel like I have to actively try to be in love with him to convince my brain to feel it. I’ve expressed to him many times I’m not a touchy person, and he has always continued to push physical affection on me and then gets mad at me when I’m overstimulated.. so I always blamed that for me not liking to be touched by him. But I’m starting to think maybe it’s something deeper. I like when he’s around because I finally have help with the kids.. but if I didn’t need help with them sometimes, I feel like I wouldn’t even want to be around him anymore. I’m not sure what to do, or why I might be feeling that way.