What should I do? I feel awful but she's my friend and I feel like she's making really poor and unsafe choices for her child.

Question

My friend "Jane" has a 5 month old. She and I are not close, but we are mom friends. She felt her daughter was "always hungry and starving", so at barely 4 months old, she started feeding her child rice cereal. Apparently her doctor has approved this and now, she claims her daughter eats 6oz of rice cereal, porridge, or baby cereal 3 times a day.  She says her daughter only has 8oz of formula a day (two bottles).
I told her that 4 months seems really early to be starting on baby cereal, and that I'd be concerned about her nutritional status because the vast majority of nutrients in the first year should come from formula or breastmilk. Jane doesn't seem to think this is a problem because "when she was drinking formula, she was always hungry. Now she's eating so much and gaining weight super fast."
Jane also puts her daughter in the carseat to sleep, and her daughter has a severely flat head because she spends all her time in swings or car seats. She also has her daughter sleep in a nest of blankets.
I am trying not to mom shame because it's tough being a mom and having people correct what you're doing. However, I am genuinely concerned for her child. 
Is there a nice way to bring things up to her, or should I just leave it be?

Answer

You can bring it up to her, I doubt she’ll listen. She most likely already knows these are the things you aren’t suppose to do with a child but sounds like she doesn’t care

Answer

I have 4 kids all ebf and our pediatrician approved solids for one of my kids at 4 months. So that conversation with the pediatrician may have very well happened. They can sleep in a carseat for a long nap as long as it doesnt roll forward, which is the position in a properly installed carseat base or stroller, outside the latch you can roll up a small towel underneath the foot to keep it from being too forward. Flat heads at that age is somewhat common even from crib sleeping since 'back to sleep' started back up, most of my kids had it too but it usually resolves itself once they start sitting up more during the day. The baby will be out of the swing soon, sitting up to play and learning to crawl etc. The main concern for me is all the blankets. One of my kids used to fall asleep on the floor on a blanket and thats ok, but a bunch of bulky blankets in the crib isnt considered safe. Do you have kids? If so, you could say something like 'he/she looks so cozy in there! My pediatrician told me no big blankets in the crib until x age because they can still suffer from silent suffocation until x months' (Im honestly not sure about the actual numbers because we didnt blanket sleep that young anyway).....try to keep it like a question versus statement/judgment.

Answer

You tried to being it up nicely. 
None of what she is doing is dangerous or illegal. Its not recommended, but recommendations are just recommendations. 
It sucks, but thats how it is. 
If its hard to watch, stop seeing her 🤷🏻‍♀️

Answer

Oh god, poor you that's such a hard situation to be in!! Definitely doesn't sound like mum shaming, youre right to try and do something about it I feel. But don't know how much you are able to do though, she will probably just ignore your advice.. but keep trying! Maybe speak to your own doctor and ask what the consequences might be for doing this - then perhaps you could pretend you were worried about your own child and tell her about the potential consequences of flat head syndrome or inadequate nutrition.

What should I do? I feel awful but she's my friend and I feel like she's making really poor and unsafe choices for her child.

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