ex-stepmom

Guys this is hard..

So I seperated from my ex last month and moved into my new apartment.

I was a stepmom of his 3 kids for 10 years.

His ex was always drama. She lies and manipulates everything just to get her way. She manipulated the kids, she pressures the kids to stop any contact from their father just because he's not paying more money just because she's asking - she went to court and actually got less so that pissed her off.

I want to keep my relationship with my ex as friendly as possible because we share a child. I don't want our child to be under the pressure his kids are.

His kids are almost 18, almost 15 and almost 12.

Soon they'll all have a phone. ofcourse the eldest kids already have one.

I still visit my ex's house when it's his weekend and all the kids are there.. I absolutely love those kids and always loved them like my own and it's hard for me as well.

I keep telling them that they are always welcome and I love them and if they need anything they'll know how to reach me. (I kissed one of them on the hair after telling him that. I felt like he needed that.) My ex also asked me to help with homework on Monday as it's a lot for him, getting 4 kids from school, helping with homework, cooking dinner and getting them all in bed on time.

I don't know if I'll be doing this for an extended amount of time, but I'm doing it for now.

The 15yo is very mom-minded.

He was very attached to me until he was 11yo, he was preyed upon by a child predator. I was the person who he told. His mom at first didn't believe it because "why would he tell *that woman* something he's not telling me". She was absolutely negative about the fact that he told mé in stead of her, she told my ex that and I know she told my stepkids that. Since then, He doesn't really talk to me at all.. There was a transition period where he would still fall into old habits and tell me everything including the fact that he wasn't allowed to talk about things with me or telling me about all the ugly things his mom told him about me and he felt really bad about it (I'd tell him "you know.. I never really talk to your mom, so if that's how she sees me, that's fine but I know who I am, that's not at all your fault sweety") but eventually he got the hang of not opening up to me at all.

Today we had a parent-teacher moment for our kid and my ex showed me an e-mail from his ex - I've been asking him to double check for the summer holidays because up until now she never told him anything, she just asked him if he had any plans - I hadn't found an apartment so - he had said no so she booked some trips and never informed him of what the schedule was or when her time off work is booked, or when she scheduled any trips, so I told him to ask her because I also need to know when to book time off work. -

So she - once again - wrote him a 5 page e-mail regarding everything he's doing wrong and aparantly me being in the house when the kids are over is "confusing" and I kissed that 15yo on the head and he was uncomfortabe APARANTLY - at this point considering our past, I believe about 10% of what she's writing in those mails because I knew the truth many times either because I was there or the kids told me but she *has to write them to be proof in court*. She's also demanding that to "show some grace for the kids" it's best to reduce his time with them because that's aparantly what's best for the kids and what they want. Except they don't express that desire to me or my ex. My ex provides a home as stable as any average home, I think. He's strict, maybe a little too strict but he's got 4 sons.. He makes homework, he feeds them, they aren't abused. 15yo is generally more happy with his mom because whenever he sings her song he is allowed the world. That includes expensive clothing, ownership of tv, unlimited video games etc. She's absolutely favoring him over his brothers because he sings her song. He also treats his brothers like actual garbage because he's the *good kid* because he *tells the truth* according to his mom. Except his truth isn't always truth, it's often exaggerated to make everything at dad's seem really bad because that is what SHE wants to hear.

So she's basically saying I shouldn't be at his house when the kids are there. He's saying that he still needs my help and he's inviting me and that's none of her business.

Like I said, the kids never expressed being uncomfortable to either of us and the ex is known for lying to get the kids more often so she can demand more money from my ex (percentage in visitation is obviously a factor in the calculation of the child support)

So what should I do?

I honestly thought that seperating from my ex would indefinitely spare me from that woman.. Aparantly that is not the case and I feel I've been stressed all afternoon.

@Lydia

well, we're co-parenting, but our kid is 3yo and it's all new to him so we're trying to make it easy for him. So some days we're in my house, some days we're at dad's house and some days I'm not at dad's house and that's fine as well.