Being on top

So I’ve gotten a little self conscious being on top of my husband. The reason is because at one point, if I got on top, he would go soft. I figured he just didn’t like me being on top so I stopped even trying. Recently, he has started pulling me on top of him but refuses to let me have control. He holds my thighs and makes me do what he wants. If I start to try going faster because I want to, he will tell me to slow down. I’m to the point where I don’t want to be on top because it’s not pleasuring me due to me constantly thinking I’m not good enough to please him without him wanting to do the work anyways. Any ideas on what to do?