I struggle with mental illness before I got pregnant as I have borderline personality disorder but it was under control. Past few weeks since having my son The smallest thing makes me upset where I will be crying and it can get bad enough I’ll cry on and off for hours and fixate on that one thing. To that I get so anxious about my son and making sure he will always be safe and afraid to go back to work end of September because it’s my job to keep him safe and he can’t defend himself. To something my boyfriend does pisses me off or iritates me or upsets me, or all 3 and I. Back to tears again. All I want to do is hold my boy in my arms and keep him safe as I know he’s safe there, as I don’t trust anyone with him. I haven’t let any of my friends or my boyfriend’s friends hold him only our parents. Also I am a first time mom