3rd miscarriage in a year and terrible ultrasound experience

I made a post last week about having an ultrasound, and i was supposed to be 8w2d, but wound up measuring 6w with no heartbeat. They wanted to do another ultrasound to see if it was really a miscarriage or if i ovulated late. Well now its been like, 10 days, and we had an ultrasound today (which went terribly, the ultrasound tech was extremely rude). And there was no change, and no heartbeat (even though at one part she implied she thought there was. Pertty sure she did that out of spite.) To tell how she was rude, we got into the ultrasound room and i wanted to get my kids situated. They ones i had were 14mo and about to be 3yr. So i brought snacks and coloring tablets and reading books. I've brought them to ultrasounds before, and I've never had any issues with them. I am always prepared with stuff that is quiet, not messy, and stuff they dont get to usually play with, that way they dont get bored easily, because the stuff seems "new" to them. Im usually complimented on their behavior. I dont have hardly any family in this state, and the only one i do have here is my grandmother. Shes OLD. I love her to death but my kids can run circles around her and my 14mo will not stay with anyone without me. We are working on that. I can usually keep my kids content for close to an hour before i put a movie on my phone if i have to. Well, she kind of rushed me onto the table. I planned to remove my daughter's carseat from the stroller and put my son in it, so they were both restrained. But apparently she didnt have the time for that. 2 times in like a minute she was like "you can go in the bathroom, take all bottoms off and sit on the table. I will be right back" but just stood there til i went to the bathroom, so i just gave them their snacks and did what she wanted. Then she stuck the ultrasound in me without saying what she was doing. Now i do have a history of sa from my ex husband, but i was aware enough to know what she was about to do, and i dont really have much trauma from that aspect of my past so it didnt get to me. But someone else might not have had a good reaction to that. Yes, i know what a transvaginal is, but say that's what you're doing instead of just going about it. Anyway, we're doing the ultrasound, and after a few minutes my son gets up and starts looking around. I had to tell him to sit back down and he kept getting up. Keep in mind, he wasnt running, climbing, grabbing, pulling, being loud, anything. Just walking around looking. Hes 3 though. And OF COURSE i forgot my stupid phone in the caaaarrrr. Well a few minutes later my baby was still eating her snack out of a ziplock bag, and she did what little ones do. She tilted the bag and most of it fell out onto her. So the lady goes "i bet your car has little cracker peices and food all over it". I didn't even know what to say to that. I mean, i have little kids, so yeah, my car is a little messy, its hard to find time to deep clean it. But its not unsanitary or anything. We dont let them eat in the car. She made me feel nasty because my baby spilt pretzels on herself in her car seat. Well my son kept getting up, so telling him to sit back down was getting frustrating of course. He had stuff to play with but at that point we had been there for a good while, his capacity for sitting still and quiet was about done. And again, she didnt give me a minute to get them settled properly like i would normally. It was nearing the end of the ultrasound and the baby was getting a little fussy. Normal little kid stuff. And i get it man, kids are distracting and irritating in that setting. But you can only expect so much. Up to that point they were still not to bad. Well she said we were done, i got ready to leave while she left the room. I put the entertainment away and cleaned the snacks she spilt in her car seat. We were ready to walk out. At this point, I know there was no heartbeat and baby hadn't grown. I could see the screen. Even if i had ovulated 2 weeks late, i know enough to know what i should have seen. She comes back in, and is like "i need one more image" and i was like what are you needing? And she goes "just a picture, but we can do it through your stomach real quick." I was like, okay.... so i layed down and shes like digging the wand into me hard enough to really hurt, for a multiple minutes, looking at the same thing. I was like what are you looking at and she goes "the yolk sac" and i thought, thats what i thought it was but we already looked at it transvaginally. We already know the baby didn't grow. Anyway she stared looking for a heart beat, but the line was through the yolk sac??? the fetal pole was off to the side, i could see it, it wasnt moving, there was no heart activity, and it looked even smaller than last week because the sac was still growing of course. So i was like "im sorry, what are you looking for?" And she goes "i feel like there could be a hearbeat". Why. Why would you say that?? And by now, the 14 mo is like, really upset. Its almost nap time, i had already prepared us to leave and this chick wanted to look for a unicorn in my uterus or something for like 20 minutes now. I was trying to move the stroller like a rocking motion but even i was upset. Of course the 14mo is crying. She looked at her, went "STOP. THATS ENOUGH" Right at her. My daughter just started screaming. She goes "huh. I thought being mean would work" and then she gave her sticky notes to play with?? I just kept trying to comfort my daughter because i don't want to get in trouble for assault on an old ass lady, i have bpd as well so i have to control my reactions. I cant just let my emotions take over. Well she finally gives up on getting whatever "picture" she wanted, and shes like "your uterus is too long and the baby is like, right at the top. Its just too small. You should come back in like, 2 weeks. If the dr tries to have you do it like, 3 days from now, im just gonna say no." I just said okay but i was so thrown off by all of this. Then as we are walking out the door she goes "dont bring them back. If you need to come back, you need to hire a baby sitter. They're not allowed back here. They're too disruptive and its distracting. The exit is to the right." And then she walked back into the room. I again, just said okay. But for one, i dont trust just anyone with my kids, im not leaving them alone with some rando. Who leaves their kids with strangers these days?! This isnt the 80s lady, and sitters are expensive these days to. They usually want like 20 dollars an hour in my area! Even more for multiple kids. Normally, i have a sharper tongue, hotter temper, and faster wit. But the combo of confirming i am having another miscarriage and dealing with my kids and wanting to leave just made me keep quiet. I was so overstimulated and upset. I got to my a car and called my bf (who is a trucker and on the road rn) and told him some of it and just started crying (i didnt tell him some of it, he would have lost his mind at some of that, i didnt want to put him through that kind of stress and anger when he is that far from home.) But he calmed me down. I was shaking even after he calmed me down. But we got off the phone and then he called me back a bit later and told me he made some calls, and that they would probably call me for full story. He used to work at the hospital as a phlebotomist, and is still close with a lot of employees. Some higher up now. So he probably called one of them to get to someone more serious. But im just dumbfounded at how that went. Part of me just wants to be done with all this. I just want to get steralized and accept i cant have any more. But part of me knows i want one more. I will regret it if i get steralized. And another part of me feels guilty even struggling with this when i already have kids. I am grateful for the kids i have. Absolutely i love them to death. They are fantastic kids, even on their off days, ive worked hard to make them good people. And i had already decided to get my tubes tied after one more and be done. If it were up to the kids i would have 10 more, like, tomorrow. (Mmmmm no) But we know for sure one more would be right for us. But how many more times is this going to happen? Its just a super back and fourth battle in my head rn. Edit: Before anyone asks, the plan for when i give birth was to fly my mom here from across the country; and my best friend is supposed to move here in a couple months too so she would be here. She currently lives in the same state as my mom. So its obviously not possible to fly them here for every appointment and ultrasound.