Relation ships and childhood trauma

My childhood wasn’t the best growing up, I lived in a run down house, with no doors on the bedrooms or heating upstairs where our bedrooms were, my mom would scare me in order to do what she wanted me to do sometimes and when I was 16 was the first time she smacked me across the face. I was also very insecure as a child and self esteem was very poor.

Flash forward 12 years I am married and have a child. My husband and I argue sometimes and it’s always about the same issues. I tend to get very defensive when anyone in my close circle criticizes me even when it’s only to help me be a better person which 100 percent of the time is the case. It’s a huge flaw I have that I feel stems from my childhood. I also have a huge fear of being judged or looked at as useless by people. I criticize myself horribly too.

My question is how do I train myself to not jump to being defensive over things that are meant to help me, not harm me?