I think there’s something wrong with me

It started back in 2023. I was going through a lot of mental health issues, I just had a baby in 2022, I was working full time, taking care of 3 kids. My oldest daughter was going through scary health issues. My marriage was falling apart, my husband couldn’t hold a job, and refused to help with the kids or any other household responsibilities. Everything fell onto me. I was incredibly stressed out and depressed.

In 2024 my husband cheated on me multiple times. He said it was because I wasn’t having sex and I don’t know if that’s a valid reason or not because of where my mental health was at the time. It caused me to have a lot of panic attacks and anxiety. He would usually come home and tell me that night where he was and who he was with. And it absolutely crushed my heart and soul. But I also didn’t feel like I wanted to have sex with him, especially when he came home smelling like these other girls and I was very emotionally distraught.

Now, fast forward to today. He has had a stable job for over a year. He flipped a 180 and has been helping with household responsibilities and finances and kids. He hasn’t cheated in almost a year. But our sex life is still not normal. We don’t have sex at all. There is no intimacy or anything. I can’t bring myself to have sex or any kind of physical touch and it’s causing a lot of issues. He says he feels stupid for even trying to initiate anything anymore. And it causes me a lot of panic and anxiety. I just can’t bring myself to do it. I don’t know if anybody has gone through the same thing but I’m scared he’s going to go cheat again. He’s talked about leaving, but at this point, if he leaves, I’ll have to be homeless because I can’t afford any rent on my own and I only make $20 and hour at 40 hours a week. I don’t have any other family. Just him.

Has anyone gone through anything similar? How long did it take you to have sex again after your husband cheated on you? Will it ever get better? Or how can I get through it without having a panic attack after and making him feel bad about himself?