I’m having such a problem being on top.

I’m 30 and have only had 2 sexual partners, an ex fiancé and my husband. My ex, sex would always hurt after so long and I never got off with my g spot, he would mainly eat me out and we both enjoyed that so there were no complaints but we would do it missionary, doggie style and straddling while he was seated. I never really did it on top and he never really brought it up.

My husband, our sex life is pretty dull. (There’s A LOTTTTTT that goes in to this, we are active in therapy, but we aren’t on intimacy yet, we are repairing some other stuff) and we are both aware. Idk what is wrong, idk if I just don’t know how to be on top or what. What I straddled my ex it was more of me bouncing and it felt more natural. My husband has wider hips and I have thick thighs and back problems... is this a recipe for failure on top? Just regular cowgirl: him laying on his back and me on top. I just don’t know where my hands go, I don’t know if I lean forward (it needs to be all the way forward like my boobs on his chest or me straight up and down, my back hurts the most when I’m slightly leaning forward). Do I use my legs? I HAVE NO FUCKING CLUE and it’s become almost embarrassing and now there’s just too much thought and I’m in my head and I don’t know what to do so I climb off. Every fucking time. Why can’t I do this?? I mention it and he always says we’ll get there. And he tries to help me but it’s just so fucking awkward.

I’ve watched videos. It’s like I can mimic it on a pillow or something but with him i just

Can’t do it but I fucking want to because it looks like it feels amazing and I remember it feeling good with my ex but only for a short while before I had to stop.