Sorry, this might be a long post...

My wife and I are 8 years married this July. We have been TTC for 7 of those years.

3 rounds and 7 failed cycles of <a href="https://glowing.com/glow-fertility-program">IVF</a> treatment later which in of itself is a post to talk about and we have decided to go down the adoption route.

We've been having fortnightly visits from our social worker for 6 months and I had a solo meeting in November and I asked how long the home visits were going to last. I was excited and itching to get to the next step, play dates, meeting children etc. She told me it wouldn't be until deep into 2023. Fair enough.

Our last meeting was last week. Finances. Checking literally every penny coming into and leaving the house. We recently consolidated our debts into a more manageable loan agreement and will be debt free in two years. But they just see it as another debt to clear a debt. We have savings. She wants it doubled by the time she comes back to us in 3 months. It's not going to be easy but we can just about do it. But when does it stop? Jumping through all these hoops in the hope that in two years time (thanks to the 3 month delay) a bunch of strangers on a panel will decide if we're fit to be parents.

I've spent 7 years deeply depressed about trying for a family. I can't do another two years. I'm tired emotionally. I just can't. This doesn't seem worth it. For what? A chance to raise someone else's mistake. A child so damaged it might not even love us or connect with us.

I just had to post. Thanks for reading ❤️