So i had been dating my now ex(hurts to call him that) for 1 year and exactly 5 months (he broke up with me the day after our anniversary) and im a cluster fuck of emotions.

To my understanding everything was okay, yeah we had been arguing alot lately but besides that we loved each other immensely and were happy. But

He decided to break up because he was conscious how bad the arguments were affecting us, while i decided to be naive and say it was all fixable, when it really wasn't.

The next day after he broke up with me I went to talk to him in person, and he told me he really wanted us to be together, he just didn't wanted to keep hurting me with the arguments, so he told me to make a choice, either we stay separated and try again in the future when we have our issues fixed (this is the second time we date, we were in 10th grade the first time and lasted 9 months since he had to move to another country) or go back together and keep our space.

We kissed, we told each many i love yous', but i still choose to stay separated so i could grow as a person and give each other the space we deserve.

We kept talking as friends...but...he suddenly blew up, said some awful things and blocked me everywhere and deleted me from his social media and im so confused.

I want to go to his house but i reckon i should give him his space before i do that, but i can't help crying every night, and it has barely been a week.

Not because we broke up, or because he blocked me...

Yeah that hurts

But the worst thing is

I think i lost my best friend since third grade, my first actual friend, of almost 15 years.

Its the thought of loosing him for good that breaks my heart like this, i want him back, even if just as a friend, i just want my best friend back

And it hurts so much, ive tried to be strong but its so hard not having him to talk to, or to know i have his support, and i know he is hurting too, that he hasn't been sleeping and barely eating

Because that's how we are, a pair of sentimental fucks, and we had each other when ever we got like this, but whos going to be there now that he has pushed me away?

Im just so worried about him but feel like im being dramatic and that ill make things worse by going to see him now

I just don't know what to do...