you GUYS!!!!

My husband and I have been staying at our friends house the last 2 nights (literally just to have a sleepover bc we like them) ANYWAYS.

I LITERALLY SHIT MY PANTS YESTERDAY.

my friend was showering (taking forever I might add) and I knew I had to poop whatever. so I go downstairs to the 3rd floor of their aparement complex where her husband tells me there’s a bathroom. coo. til I call my husband and ask him where it is and then he replies “oh you’ll need the key fab to get anywhere” (super new, secure apartment complex, kind of set up like a hotel) “you should probably just come back upstairs and use a vacant room”. so i wait for the elevator and i’m PRAYING TO ACTUAL JESUS TO NOT LET ME GO DOWN LIKE THIS.

I get back upstairs and i’m like DUDE ITS HAPPENING. so I run into a random open apartment (still under construction & unlocked so i’m praying the water is turned on in this random apartment) and before I know it i’m just going down like Kristen Wiig in bridesmaids.

I VERY VERY LITERALLY SHIT MY PANTS. so i’m trying to rush to the toilet to finish and there is shit (not nuggets, full on diarrhea) EVERYWHERE. all over my legs. all over the floor. all over the stark-white-untouched bathroom. and i’m just in shock. I don’t even know what to think.

I text my husband and i’m like I don’t know what room i’m in but I need you to bring paper towels and the overnight bag bc I peed myself (I don’t think i’ll ever tell him the true story). he brings everything and leaves it outside the door and was like “do you want me to leave?” and I was like DUH. so I rinsed off in the shower, cleaned everything up, and had go walk back in their apartment acting like nothing happened.

no one asked any questions so that was good. but I felt like I was in an actual movie. unreal.