I'm 31 an only masterbait for a year

Hey all I'm in a pickle, my baby daddy who I was with for 13 years never let me touch myself. So the last year I been trying everything, I can get off with a toy no problem but I'm struggling to use my hands an I want to be able to do so without a toy keep things more interesting.i have done everything an anything think I can think of I looked all over the net learned soo much...is it possible that I just suck using my hands??? Like I cant play video game even simple ones Mario. Anyone got a lil advice