Okay so about an hour ago, somebody knocked on my door and I was waiting for food delivery so I obviously opened it. It was actually a guy who's trying to get people to donate for an children's organization (which is really nice of him).

He kinda "forced" himself inside of my apartment asking for a glass of water, and he even then sat down at my table.

And here is where the "stupid" me comes in.

A little background info about me is that I'm absolutely terrified of being alone with somebody (especially male) in an enclosed space (i.e. my apartment).

What I was even more scared of was telling him "no, I don't want to donate, I can't afford it because I'm a student". It seems stupid now because he's probably used to people rejecting him all the time, but in the moment I was almost paralyzed just thinking about what could happen if he didn't accept being rejected, especially since none of my neighbors were home. It seems even more stupid now that I'm typing it.

Anyways, I ended up signing up to the program and even though I tried any excuse like "I don't have a credit card yet, since I just moved in the country" or "is it possible to do it online, that way I research it a little more". He always seemed to find a perfect answer to my "problem". He even asked me to lie about my age to a lady on the phone who checked the information on the form (I'm 20 and you're supposed to be 25 to sign up). In retrospect, i shouldn't have done that, but I wasn't able not to lie with him sitting right next to me.

That's how I ended up on a program where I have to pay $39 a month when I really can't afford it right now.

I already looked up how to cancel the program (which is just though a "simple" phone call) but I keep coming back to the fact that he told me he'd come back again. And again, that's stupid but I can't even control my brain.

I can't believe people say that getting assaulted is something you can easily overcome, when I'm having this much anxiety over what wouldn't even be considered a problem for "normal" people.

Right now, I'm almost thinking about asking my parents to solve the problem for me because I get anxiety talking to people I don't know on the phone. My dad would probably do it but I don't want to seem like I can't survive on my own, especially since they live 5000km away from me and the story would probably make them worry again.

Sorry about the rant to anyone who read it. Do I even make sense ?!

Oh my god. I'm so not ready to be an adult ! 😭

HELP ! Am I totally abnormal for reacting that way ? Oh my god !