Should boyfriends/girlfriends be invited to family events?

Question

So me and my bf have been together for three years now. My family from the start accepted him from the start and took I’m as if he had always been a part of our family because he was special to me. Now his family on the other hand is the opposite. I am not welcomed to any family related events (birthdays, holidays,dinners....) and it’s upsetting and really annoying that I am excluded from everything. Now it has been said I will be invited to everything once we are married........is this something normal are other families this way this is a first for me.

Answer

For short relationships it doesn’t seem unreasonable. But three years? I’d say it’s weird not to get an invite. Don’t they want to get to know you before you guys get married or move in together or whatever?

Answer

That's not normal, but some people are very weird and strict about family. My ex would never invite me to family events even though his parents would allow it because he valued family time so much and when I would go, his family would treat me just fine, but he would focus mainly on them and I was seen as more of a distraction. My grandma is similar, she expected her and my grandpa to be invited everywhere together when he was still alive, but expects me to always hang out with her alone. However, my brother's girlfriends/currently a fiance have almost always been invited and I have to seek invitations for whoever I'm dating or bring them along anyway. I have other family who is completely accepting and supportive and only ask for the heads up in advance if possible when food is involved. Personally, I think that unless your SO has done something horrible to you or someone in the family, they should always be invited to go wherever you go. Dating is preparation for marriage. If they won't accept you with open arms now, how do you know how you will be treated after marriage? Maybe discuss it with your SO so that can be discussed with his family? Sometimes people just need  a little perspective.

Answer

I’m Mexican and so is he...we have family events like every weekend so otherwise I’d never see him 😂
Sometimes we come home from a date and there’s just my entire family there!
I think it’s normal. 
For me, I don’t invite my friends to parties/get together [we’re having a house warming party and family & friends are invited] unless I’m also inviting their S/O cause I know how awkward it is to not know anyone in the room.

Answer

In my family we don’t have SO’s at birthdays or holidays unless the couple is basically engaged.
If they’re at a family dinner the dinner was planned to have them there.
As an extended family we’re not super welcoming, which is kinda messed up
My parents would eat lunch with my brother’s gf whenever the schedule worked out.
But after 3 years of dating they either don’t think you’ll end up together or they can’t stand you.

Answer

I feel it depends how old you are. Like 17 year olds (even in a 3 year relationship) doesn’t necessarily mean you’ll be around forever... however 20 somethings who are close to getting engaged then yeah you can expect to be invited to a few more things. Still I feel birthdays in the family are usually strictly that immediate family. That’s just me tho

Answer

Does he want you there? If so, y'all need to advocate for yourselves and explain to his parents that your exclusion is hurtful and unwelcoming. If that doesn't work you may have to crash an event or two until they accept that you're a part of his life.

Answer

For three years, I believe that it should be normalized. If you have been with each other for that long then I think integrating is a good idea, and healthy for you and your SO. Like you are experiencing now, being left out makes you feel unwelcomed and disliked whether that is true or not.

Answer

If no please explain.

Should boyfriends/girlfriends be invited to family events?

Let's Glow!

The Top Baby Tracker App: Embrace New Beginnings with Tender Care

The Top Fertility Tracker App: Your Path to Achieving Pregnancy

The Top Pregnancy App: Nurturing Your Journey to Motherhood

The Top Period Tracker for Empowering Your Menstrual Health Journey