How do I tell my SIL who is also trying?

Question

I'm almost 6 weeks along now, and I don't know how to tell my sister in law! She's been doing IVF with her husband for baby #2, but they've had 2 failed rounds so far. My first month on clomid, I was so sure my period was coming, but I ended up getting pregnant. I have my ultrasound on the 21st and want to tell our families soon after that, but I want my sister in law to know first so she isn't thrown off, you know? I want her to be prepared and I don't want to shove it in her face. I need advice! I know she will be happy for us, but I know there's a sadness to not being "the one" pregnant.

Answer

I dread telling my SIL every time I’ve been pregnant. But really depends on how your relationship is if you should rip off the bandaid or not. My SIL and I use to be super close! She has a 6 yr old son, she wants more but is struggling due to PCOS, with my first she seemed so excited, and I had told her first trying to ease her into the announcement and had her help me come up with an announcement for our in laws thought we were having a boy, she was so excited. Found out it was actually a girl and she quit talking to me until my daughter was almost 3 months old. It was the first girl on our husbands side born in 66 yrs, everyone else had had boys, so my FIL was pretty excited. She wanted to give our In laws their first granddaughter as well, like you gave them their first grandson. 🤦🏼‍♀️ our second was an oops due to bc failure when our first was 3 months old. I told her first because I knew she would be upset. Found out it was another girl, she didn’t talk to me the rest of my pregnancy and doesn’t even acknowledge my second baby. With #3 I just sent out a mass group message with her included, because I got tired of her treating me like crap even though I was trying to take her feelings into consideration. Found out it’s a boy this time and we only told parents when we found out then they told everyone else gender she got mad I didn’t call her and her myself 🤦🏼‍♀️ and she’s trying to talk to me and be all nice and I’m like no you don’t get to pick and choose which kids of mine you like.

Answer

With this kind of news, I would tell her over the phone. Call her and let her know, tell her if she wants to see you, you’re available. If my sister had gotten pregnant before me, after we tried so hard, I would have been devastated at first. So I would not have wanted to sit there and either cry in front of her or have to play like I was happy about it. I would have been happy for her eventually, but would want that time to privately be upset.

Answer

I think this is just one of those bandages that have to be ripped off. I don’t think there’s a special way out of her feeling left behind. But she’ll recover (hopefully). Good luck!

Answer

Making it a seperate occasion to tell her is you indirectly saying "hey, Im so sorry you cant get pregnant" It's not a big deal, she'll get hers someday. Wondering about how she will feel on it will only place pity upon her and nobody wants you feeling bad for them. I would announce it to everyone regularly and maybe say something nice later to her like, "I cant wait for you to announce yours!!! I'd throw you the biggest party!!" Its calming when you (your SIL) are going through something tough and everyone else around you believes everything will be okay, it gives you hope. I would be sad if I was pulled aside about an issue because it amplifies it. It would make me feel like I had no chance of getting pregnant and that you believed I didnt either

How do I tell my SIL who is also trying?

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