Vaginismus?

Question

Hi girls, I'm new here and I was hoping someone could tell me more about vaginismus in relation to my situation.

I'm currently 20 years old and I've been in a 3 year relationship with my boyfriend. We've been trying to have sex these past few months for the first time but for some reason it's not fitting! I've researched before hand and I've had condoms and lube at the ready but no matter how much we try it won't go in. I know I'm ready by but my body says otherwise!

After trying his penis usually hurts like he's hit a brick wall and mine is also feeling like it's been punched! Prior to these two attempts I've never had anything go in (which is a probable reason- I don't even use tampons!)

So recently I've been trying myself (though I find it hard to get aroused without him helping) and I've slowly tried to finger myself and I'm up to using two fingers. Does this mean I have vaginismus still? Because there isn't a lot of info online it only tells me that it's super tight and won't fit anything in!

I'm really confused and I'm super proud I could fit two fingers and I was wondering if this makes me even partially ready for another attempt? I don't want to hurt my boyfriend so I've just been trying to finger myself as like a training kind of thing!

Thanks girls 😘

Answer

I am 30 years old and come from a conservative society where sex before marriage is shunned, which explains why I didn't even realize I had vaginismus until after I got married despite being in a relationship with my husband for 5 years before we got married. I had very severe vaginismus...nothing would ever go in - tampons, penis, dilators or even my own finger. I saw a LCSW and he helped me overcome the problem. I worked with finger and dilators slowly over a period of 8 months and finally had my first sex this week. My husband was extremely patient with me through this. We have been together for 9 years now and despite numerous failed attempts to have intercourse, not once was he angry at me. We suffered years of agony and sorrow everytime someone mentioned pregnancy. I think a patient partner and the will to fix the problem will help. I would tell all those women out there suffering from vaginismus to not lose hope and not feel guilty. Read on vaginismus forums so you realize that you are not alone. Work with a physical therapist or on your own with dilators slowly upping the sizes only at the pace at which you feel comfortable. Long deep breaths help you calm too. Good luck!! :)

Answer

Yes. You would have to go to your gynecologist and they will refer you to a therapist. The therapist will use dilators to help. A friend of mine went through this a year ago. She's 23. She would recommend you not so it yourself, she believes it made her situation worse. I always knew she had it from the stories she told me in high school. But it was last year when she got her first pap smear and was diagnosed because she couldn't even take the head of the speculum.

Answer

Two fingers worked for me, but it'll depend on how big your guy is. If the problem persists, I would definitely go to the doctor. Also if he fingers you some as part of the foreplay (stretching it out right before), that helped me.

Answer

You've never had a pap smear at your age? Eeekk! If you haven't, you should! But I really don't know..  I do know there are different types of hymens.. You might have a hymen that is blocking you from entering? Google "different types of hymens" so you could see what I mean if the problem persists, I would go to the doctor. Actually I would go to the doctor anyways. They suggest annual check ups yearly. I know your young, but at 21 I was diagnosed with precancerous cells, if I didn't have regular check ups it would have turned to cancer and I wouldn't have known. Thankfully I was treated and fine, but you never know.

Vaginismus?

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