Idky I want a 4sum...

Ive been wanting more sex with more men at the same time. My sexual appetite is greater than what my husband can provide. 9 times outta 10 Im left unfulfilled and ready for another round. I fantasize about a menage-a-four and Im NOT the fantasizing type: Im all about making my dreams come to life. So imagine my frustration on a daily basis constantly seeing me + 3 and its only a dream... Ive thought about joining a sex club, swingers group, arranging a lil "situacíon" among 3 men I kno but... then I start to think "When did satifying my sexual needs become so hard! (Insert whinning and crying emoji here) I thought if I married a big freak like me we'll jus have a big ole freak time for the rest of our lives. Wrong...WRONG! Since we been married we haven't even had sex outside! Ok now b4 you get all judgy... cus I kno u judging... lemme giv u a lil background. Im a Woman w/a capital "w" (big woman) in 3 non-monagomus partnerships: married for 8 years to my primary partner commited 3-4 years to my 2 boyfriends. N those not the 3 men I want to have sex w/at the same time. They are so different sexually it wouldnt even wrk. We've talked about this along with other sexual desires. My husband is the only one who's not willing to have sex with me n 2 other men @ the same time BUT he dont mind 2 other women @ the same time ( listen Im jus givin u the deets) The other 2 dont mind them n 2 others jus not w/ each other n I understand n agree. Tbh Im BORED w/ each of them. N my libido is THRU THE ROOF takin off like lil mr elons ships but the trips are jus not quite making it all the way around the moon. U kno wat I mean? My partnerships arent centered around sex. I am committed spirtually mentally and emotionally to them And them to me. Since Ive been feeling unfulfilled I see where my relationships are sufferring. N its hurtful. I started lashing out. I became distance and withdrawn. I feel like I need to take a step back n fig out wat I need to do. Ive gotten over the hurt and disappointment of our relationships being affected n Im looking for a solution. I had a romantic relationship w/ identical twins that I still kit w/ ( *wink* I was jus livin the dream) I thought about doin summin w/ them but I REALLY want something new. Im not about to spin. Outside of the hurt, disappointment and sexual frustration theres also... fear. Fear of bein for the streets (tho it may seem like Im already am) Trust that aint this. What if this want for something new doesnt ever go away even after havin 'something new' wat then!? Wat if my sexual appetite becomes insatiable, Im afraid. Wat if after the 4sum I want more n more... Im scared. Scared of not bein satisfied. N thats honestly 1 of the reasons why I havent acted on anything as of yet. I got to explore n eradicate that fear b4 I make that step. I used to be 1 of those who feels as tho sex is jus for procreation. Hand to God! I believe sexual intimacy is a way to connect spritually n also release inhibitions. I never had a one night stand or had sex outside of a committed relationship. We live in a world where for a female to 'want to get her freak on' is stil frowned upon. Havin 3 partners n my sexual needs are stil not bein fulfilled sounds wild I kno n for me to have to resort to effin 3 randos is crazy but here I am... wanting to get f***'d in all 3 holes...