horrifying flash backs but baby is fine

Just had my weekly apt at home with my midwife. She was my bereavement midwife when I lost my son in March at 25wks. She takes care of all my needs now pregnancy wise. She came today and I told her baby hadn't moved much of anything since last night (18wks today) so she tried the Doppler and said don't freak out if I can't find it after a minute or so. She tried and tried and couldn't find the heart beat. I burst into tears and she said I'm goin to take you in for a scan. Called them and told them I was coming in. I was shaking and had thoughts of the worst. When we got there there was a wait as all the scans were in use. I was calling my oh to come and he rushed over. I walked in the scan room and just had so much anxiety I didn't want to lay down. Last time I found out my baby had died on a scan as there was no heart beat, this felt like a rerun of that, I was completely terrified . To make it worse the scanner froze as she went to put it on me and it was silent (again that's what I heard with my son nothing, no heart beat, no activity) so I got really upset and she said no I haven't got it working yet don't worry it's just froze up. Then my oh walks in and grabs my hand and then she says oh there it is and my midwife says quickly 'there's a heartbeat' and I just cried and cried and I look at my oh and he's crying too. She said he/she is in a very awkward position. Face down back up and curled. My midwife said  see there's no chance at all a Doppler can pick that up in that position. All I needed was Baby is alive and all else didn't matter. I'm Home now and so exhausted from stress. I am NEVER doing this again, it's too stressful after a still born then this I just can't do it again. I am SO glad my baby is ok in there!.....