pissed off, broken and miserable. possible triggers ⚠

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what kind of fucking grandmother sits there, calls her granddaughter a coward for self harming, a coward for being suicidal. tells her she doesn't have mental health problems and has no reason to have them, to stop being silly and snap out of it. continues on to say how her mother should have been a better mother because of how she's turned out. that her father was ashamed of her and neither of her parents would be proud of her. continues to say how she's a vindictive and selfish bitch, how she doesn't even like her. that she's fucked up in the head and that she's bitter and a liar.

the real kicker is I'm the one in the wrong.

I'm wrong for calling her by her name instead of nan because it's disrespectful. I'm the one who needs to stay away. I'm the one whose harsh because I stood up for myself and called her vile for saying my parents who aren't alive wouldn't be proud of me. I'm wrong because I called her a bitter and spiteful evil bitch and then called her a cunt when she made further comments about my mum. she says all that and no one even bat's an eyelid, I say what I have and everyone is at my throat telling me how disgusting I am, how dare I say anything to her and how harsh I've been.

this is a woman who treated my dad her own son like shit whilst he was going through chemo, treated my brother her grandson who is disabled like he was worthless and doesn't even send him a birthday card but wants to play grandmother of the year. I won't even get started on how badly she treated my mum, constantly telling her she was a shit mother and wasn't good enough for my dad. then there's me, other than above, on my dad's last day which at the time we didn't know was his last she refused to let me be alone with him for 5 minutes to the point where I caused a scene and my dad's sister had to remove her, she tried to rob me of saying goodbye to my dad . she's called me a whore and a waste of space because I respected my dad's wishes and part of his will and put his ashes in with my mum alone with no family just me and my brother but it was too much for him to cope with so I did it on my own. she had pictures of me and my mum that I'd never seen and that no one else had copies of and wouldn't even let me borrow them to get my own copies of so I ended up stealing them.

I just feel defeated, like I'm the worst person in the world.