This is part rant and part i dont know wth im doing and need advice


The first part of this is just a rant, sorry. But a lot of things are annoying me, and no one around me understands. Plus I have no friends to talk to about these things. Towards the end is where I ask for advice on something things im confused about, feel free to skip to the end.

So I'm having my first baby, and honestly it's terrifying. My fiance and I pretty much have no idea what we are doing or how to do it when it comes to this baby. We weren't trying to get pregnant, but we weren't using any protection. Basically, it was if it happens, it happens. And it did happen. And while we are over the moon about it, everything seems to not be going quite as expected.

First off, I'm tired of being told to do yoga and take Tylenol when I hurt. For one thing, I can't even put on my damn shoes, how the hell am I supposed to be able to do freaking yoga. I tried yoga when I wasn't pregnant, and was out of breath after like two poses. My lung capacity isn't getting better here. And Tylenol does nothing. If anything, the only thing it does for me is make me more tired than I already am. So why is that the only go-to's I'm told about.

Secondly, I'm tired of people saying " oh my God, you are so tiny, I never would have guessed you were THAT pregnant"

I don't know if it's like a big realization that people haven't hit yet, but not all pregnant women are the same size. I may not look like I'm a few days from 34 weeks along, but I'm the biggest I've ever been in my entire life, I feel like a damn hippo that ate a walrus, I probably walk like one too now. My organs are just as squished up in my chest and my baby is just as big and heavy as any other woman going through an average pregnancy and is the same amount along as I am. This baby is basically the weight of a bowling ball sitting in my damn uterus. But people keep on telling me I need to eat more and be careful that my baby won't be underweight. Even strangers that ask how far along I am. are not my doctor. My baby is fine, and you try eating a full meal with a baby smashing your stomach into literally every other organ it can. Yea, I miss being able to eat half a pizza by myself while binging terribly written shoes on Netflix. But now I can't even take a bit of pizza without 3 hours of massive heartburn. And I get full off of a handful of carrots. Because of bowling ball, in uterus.

Third, I want a damn cup of coffee. I know doctors say it's safe to have a little. But my fiance says no, and his mom weighs in saying no too ( not that that's her business) and I get it, it's his baby too, he wants a say in how the baby is nurtured even in utero. Which is great on one hand, a lot of guys aren't that involved in those kind of decisions. But I miss coffee.

Also I know most women supposedly have tons of diarrhea this late in pregnancy, but I have the opposite. I miss pooping normally, I'm tired of being constipated, and I miss the feeling of being alone in the bathroom without my baby launching full out war against my uterus while I'm trying to poop.

Okay rant over.

As for advice.

What are you supposed to pack in your hospital bag? Because I have no idea. The nurses said the doctor could tell me and the doctor said the nurses could tell me. Niether of them were helpful.

Do you really poop when you deliver the baby? If you do, do they let you shower after?

Does delivering the placenta hurt?

I've taken care of newborns before but for some reason, now it feels like I've forgotten how to do it. Like I don't remember how.

When are they old enough for tummy time?

When can they hold up their heads without support?

I find myself paranoid thinking about

Sid's and how to lay the baby down, about swaddling to tight or too loose.

How does breast feeding even work?

Do they have to take the baby to clean and weigh before I can hold him?

That's pretty much it right now. But it's nearly 3am so I'm sure I'll be even more inquisitive after I actually sleep at some point today.

Thank you for any advice.