This is basically a rant

I feel so alone!!!

A month ago I finally put my foot down and left my ex. We have been together for 4 and 1/2 years had ups and downs of course but through it all there wasn’t ever much improvement or growth on his end, I turn 25 next month deep down I felt like I had to leave him because neither of us were growing in life. So stuck on not being healthy like going to gym or always smoking and drinking, lazy when around each other etc. He was my first boyfriend and we lived together for 4 years. I’m back at my parents house, and I just feel alone and so sad when I am. I see my ex in person and im just so un attracted to him physically he has always been lean and tbh a lot skinnier than I am; the point is I’m trying to get over my emotions, if I left him and felt great while doing it to have this alone time why am I miserable, I literally feel like I just want him back so I can have someone to cuddle and talk to. Being alone gives me so much time in my head it’s upsetting, I hate being alone. I want to be strong. So ladies you knew you wanted to leave your ex what did you do to stay strong. I literally can not go back to him even if I wanted my parents would kill me or think the worst cause they knew since day one he wouldn’t be husband material and they were right im just so alone and bored. I’m even slacking hard core in school because I can’t focus! all I worry about is how I feel and then distract my self to be in action rather than sitting around.

I’m always filled with anxiety and sad now

Ugh rant over I guess