Lonely and pregnant


I feel really down and lonely

In january i had a miscarraige, which everyone thought was for the best. When I first found out I was pregnant and when everyone found out I felt judged, like everyone was disappointed in me etc.

This time round i decided that i wouldn't tell anyone and i'd keep my whole pregnancy a secret. My nannan (who i live with) only knows i am pregnant because she'd opened a letter I'd got through the post and it was my 12 week scan letter. She wasn't happy (again) but she said she wouldn't tell anyone.

Only my nannan and boyfriend know

I bet youre thinking "if you feel lonely then why dont you just speak to your nannan or boyfriend.

So 1 - my nannan and i don't have a personal relationship, we don't talk about sensitive issues and don't talk about our problems together. I know it sounds shit but thats just how it's always been

And 2 - i feel like my boyfriend doesn't want the baby. Everytime i get excited and speak about it there isn't much enthusiasm on his part, but he says it's just because he's scared because of my miscarraige. I respect his feelings and that he's scared and he has every right to feel that way but I feel so down and like an idiot when i get nothing back from him 💔

I feel so lonely and like i can't tell anyone

You probably also think "well youre feeling lonely because youre choosing not to tell anyone"... i can't tell everyone. I'm not out of my first trimester yet which is one reason why i'd have to wait to announce it anyway and secondly, my friends are so judgemental. I wouldn't be congratulated it'd be more like "youre too young" "you need to live life" "what you gona do" and i cant deal with the drama ill get from family members

I dont know who to speak to 😔 i dont know what to say, i dont know whether to be happy or not... its so hard when you feel like youre constantly shamed... 😔