This year has been so tough on my husband and I already and its only march.

In January we found out we were having a missed miscarriage and ended up having a D&C in early February.

The beginning of march i found out i was pregnant again but lost at 5 weeks.

My one grandad is going through dementia screening (which is taking forever) to see him deteriorate so quickly over such a short period of time is hurting me so badly.

My other grandad has just been diagnosed with stomach cancer after being 5 years clear of oesophageal cancer.

2019 was supposed to be my year. I ended 2018 so happy being pregnant and newly married. And now im ready for 2019 to end.

I want a baby so so badly but my head isnt in the right place. Im close to needing long term sick at work. I have started having counselling but i just dont know what to do. Its killing me waiting to start trying for my rainbow baby but i just cant face another loss 😔