Is this bad of me?
We are long distance. My boyfriend recently relapsed. I’ve been supportive and gave him a second chance. We agreed when he left my house he wouldn’t touch anything else. I go visit and find out he touched pills, Suboxone, and weed. All no nos. Since then I’ve tried to stay supportive. He says he sees a future together and wants to move in together and eventually have kids and get married. That I’m special and unlike anyone else and he knew right away. And I don’t know what to believe. I know they say just be supportive and accepting with addiction and he is doing stuff to get better. He is trying. But I wrote this out to end things as he disrespected me with the no more. Thoughts?
I always heard be careful what you tolerate you’re teaching him how to treat you. And I’ve let you get by with more than I said I would. I have let you lie to me over and over again. We talk about it and you do it again. We said Monday you’re getting clean when you left my house. You agreed and promised no more. We said no pills then you go and take them and buy Suboxone. I wanted you to be drug tested that week because I worried. Then you weren’t like you said you were going to be. And you’d have lit up! Then you say you’re doing well Thursday and go smoke pot. It never ends with you. Always some excuse! And you never tell me any of this for two weeks!!! It obviously shows you don’t respect me. And then you expect me to be okay with it. I thought about it. I’m tolerating it, teaching you that you can get away with it and treat me this way and disrespect me. No.
And then I don’t even think you know me because you’re never interested in anything about me. When I went to Spain you barely asked any questions or said a word like I’d never left my house. Except to get pissed at me. And that’s always kind of how it goes not really interested. Unless I volunteer stuff. We just talk about you. You can’t love me if you don’t know me because love isn’t just about how someone makes you feel it’s also about valuing someone deeply for who they are. And if that only runs one way from me to you there can’t be a relationship.
And you know some people don’t really grow. They don’t learn their lesson. They don’t recognize their mistakes and keep making them. And their behavior never changes. It’s just a constant cycle. I hope instead of being stuck you change for the better and pull it together and don’t put your family through this anymore. That you realize how serious this is. And that you can only change if you want to for you. And that you want to. Otherwise one day you’re gonna end up dead from an overdose. But you’re 34. Most 34 year olds have their habits and are stuck in their ways and don’t change.
And the sad thing is I thought you’d be the one. And you have lied and said similar things to keep me around and your story always shifts so I don’t even know what to believe or have believed. But I really did. I saw a future with you. I wanted everything with you. And just you. How stupid of me.
But I don’t feel like you have an interest in getting to know me and certainly not in respecting me. I said if you do anything else starting that Monday I’m gone. And why’d you wait till I’m five hours from home to tell me two weeks later that you took those pills, took Suboxone, and smoked weed? Which the weed was only a week prior. Because you knew it’d upset me then guilted me for being upset. I have tolerated too much and stuff I said I wouldn’t. When I say something I mean it. I’m a patient person and give plenty of second chances that not everyone would, but I have my limits. You made your decision now you can live with the consequences. I love you, I wish you’d never lied and omitted things from me or done all that, but I can’t change it and you made those decisions. And after I said all that you expected me to be okay with it. The next time you do it since I tolerated it last time you’ll expect me to be okay with it too. No. I care about you and want you to get better so I’ll always be here if you need me as a friend because I do love you and want you to get better. And I wanted to be supportive and do that as your girlfriend and just be here for you while you work on yourself and motivate you to be the best version of yourself possible because that’s what love is. But you can’t have a romantic relationship when there is no respect for one party. And there is a reason they say to stay single for one year after a relapse.
I hate this, I’ve cried about it, it’s upset me since I left your mom’s, I have been depressed, I have been conflicted, I don’t want to do this, I feel heartbroken, I love you and don’t want to break up, I didn’t want this to happen or for it to come to this, I have tried so hard on my part, but you’ve shown total disregard and disrespect for my wishes and what I won’t put up with, you have known it and hid it and lied, and I never understood it before but they’re right. What I tolerate just teaches you how to treat me.